How to meet the great gal or guy over 40

It breaks my heart whenever I hear women say that there aren't any good men over 40 left to date, because it's just not true.

Sure, it feels true when you're sitting across the table from your blind date—a guy who wears black socks with sandals and whines about how his seventh divorce really was all his wife's fault, because frankly, in his opinion, all women are inherently evil, gold diggers or both.

But there are a lot of decent, kind, available men over 40 who are single and looking for someone to love. We all know that once you hit your fortieth (err, thirtieth) birthday, you're not going to have much luck spending every weekend hanging out in a bar, gripping a bottle of light beer, and listening to the same old jokes, meeting the same people in different clothes.

When we belly up to the bar, we're much more likely to meet that smarmy loser whose exposed silver chest hairs seem perilously likely to fall in our drinks than be the man of our dreams. So where do you go to meet these wonderful, enlightened, please-let-them-be- attractive, minimally damaged men over 40?
5 Unexpected Places to Find Great, Single Men Over 40 to Date Right Now

1) Parties Once-Removed: Six Degrees of BarbequeHow can you expect to meet and date great men over 40 when you always invite the same seventeen people to all of your parties?
Bring some new blood to the old gang. With Parties Once-Removed, everybody you invite brings someone that nobody else in the group knows. Think of it as six degrees of separation, only backwards. Voila! You'll have a party full of brand-new people who already get along great with your closest friends.

2) Go Clubbing

Want to meet an endless supply of fit, financially comfortable, educated men over 40? Take up golfing. If you don't already golf, there are lots of reasonably priced lessons at your local public course. (And of course, plenty of overpriced ones at the private clubs.) Once you've mastered the basics, you have two options to maximize your man-meeting potential: You can pull together a foursome with a collection of like-minded women, or you can head out to the course on Saturday morning as a single and complete someone else's foursome.If you're golfing as a single, you'll be meeting three new people (most likely men) and odds are in your favor that at least one of them is single. (The Census Bureau estimates that 30 percent of Americans born between 1946 and 1964 are single.) You'll have him all to yourself for eighteen holes, and if you like him, you can let him buy you a Bloody Mary when you finish your round. And, don't worry about whether or not you're any good—nobody is.

3) Go to Somebody Else's Company Picnic

Pair up with another single pal and survey his or her company's assets. These events are social, and as an added bonus, you know everybody there is employed. Your insider buddy can act as your tour guide to help you avoid the guy who sticks paperclips up his nose or the weirdo with fifty-nine cats.4) Marianne Williamson, Meet Wayne DyerIf you're looking to meet men over 40 who are as interested in self-growth as you are then attend lectures, conferences, and seminars by spiritual and self-development leaders. This can be a great place to meet someone and hang out with a bunch of men who're actively seeking to live a more positive, meaningful, inspired life. Weekend conferences are best if you're hoping to meet other people, because they offer more chances to socialize than daylong seminars provide. If the conference feels too pricey, contact the organization to and see if there's a way you can work at the event in exchange for free admission.Yes, the crowd will be 70 percent women, but the men will be good ones.

5) Power Drills and Other Flirting Tools

Most cities have philanthropic singles organizations, and whether a group attracts young singles or mature singles depends on the city and the group. The best part of meeting people through volunteer work is that you help make the world a better place and meet a lot of like-minded eligible men at the same time. (Besides, helping others gives you good dating karma.) If there are no volunteer groups in your area catering specifically to singles, check out Habitat for Humanity, habitat.org. It's a great way to meet people of all ages, and you get to spend the day in the sunshine using power tools. What could be better?

This article is excerpted from my brand new book, "How to Date Like a Grown-Up." If you follow my advice in this article and in my book, you might just get lucky, find the man of your dreams and get married – even if you're in your 40's, 50's and beyond!

definitons of cougar from young men!

jeezh- sound like being a cougar is actually the best compliment some women can get- if you like young guys that is-----maybe I am missing out on something!
Cougar

An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together.

That cougar I met last night, showed me shit I didn't know existed, I'm goin back for more.

2. Cougar

(see also hunt, prowl, corner, pounce). Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities)waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey"
Millions of them. More famously, Demi and Ashton, Naomi Watts and Heath Ledger, Joan Collins and her hubby, Cameron and Justin, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins
by Christina Marie Mar 10, 2004

3. cougar

An attractive woman in her 30's or 40's who is on the hunt once again. She may be found in the usual hunting grounds: nightclubs, bars, beaches, etc. She will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their early twenties participate in. End state, she will be going for the kill, just like you. Associated with milfs
I bagged a cougar last night at the club.
older women milfs sex in the city cougers perfect by baroni Apr 16, 2006 share this add comment

4. Cougar

A woman in her sexual prime who prefers to hunt rather than be hunted. A cougar's victims are usually under 25, as cougars prefer to mate with men who still have hair. Cougars generally feed and then continue hunting, as they enjoy role reversal.
by rberg Nov 5, 2003

5. Cougar

A Cougar is a female, usually between thirty and fifty years-old, who enjoys the sexual company of younger men. Cougars are only usually interested in men under the age of twenty-five. Also, Cougars are non-committal, choosing to move from mate to mate without ever settling down. It is not uncommon for the same Cougar to attack (sleep with) many different men in the same group of friends. Furthermore, Cougars are older and more practiced in the ways of snaring a mate so they will rarely broadcast their intentions to sleep with you until you are already in her Jetta, headed for the condo she just bought. It is this elusive behavior that earns her the name “Cougar.”

"Hey Jerry, I'm about to go buy this girl a drink, want to come along? I think she has a friend next to her" "Naw, theres a cougar in the corner that seems to be stalking me, I'm going to hold out for her"

6. Cougar


Coo-gher. An older woman who's primary interest lies in bedding younger men. Often, but not necessarily, with money; cougars are the more aggressive variety of the commonly used term: milf.
I think that cougar just grabbed my ass!

7. Cougar

A woman who is 35+, sexually cunning, that prefers to hunt rather than be hunted.
There seems to be a lot of Cougars stalking prey at the beach today

Cougars and younger men

*Editor’s note: Names of some of the interviewees have been changed for privacy.

Annette Wheeler* didn’t recall the exact moment she first heard the term “cougar,” but she did remember dashing to her computer to look it up. To her shock and bemusement, there was a new term to describe what she had been doing most of her life—dating younger men.

Wheeler, a fiery redhead who lives outside Baltimore, leaned back in her chair and sighed. “I adore younger men,” the 60-year-old purred. “I liked younger guys even when I was in high school—like a year or two younger. I was a cougar before there were cougars.”

Indeed, Wheeler’s pre-marriage and post-divorce dating history reads like a steamy screenplay. She listed a string of young men with whom she had various relationships, occasionally punching numbers into a calculator to determine age differences she had never considered in the first place. She never analyzed her attraction to younger men (or their attraction to her), but with “cougar” an increasingly popular term used to describe older women dating significantly younger men, her longtime preference is suddenly in the spotlight.
For Wheeler and other women like her, younger men—many of them 15 years or more their juniors—are a natural fit. Boomer women are looking and feeling better than ever. Widowed, separated, or divorced, a growing number seek young men for dating and companionship. And since men have been dating younger women for ages, why are so many of us surprised—shocked, even—that women would follow suit?

* * *Valerie Gibson, author of “Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men,” is all too familiar with this double standard. The self-proclaimed cougar wrote her first book on the topic—“Younger Men: How to Find Them, Date Them, Mate Them, and Marry Them”—14 years ago, “and let me tell you something,” she said in a whisper. “It caused an awful stir—and not a good one. People were horrified. They were absolutely horrified that older women should be having sex with younger men.”

When many of us think “cougar,” we picture the ultimate cougar of the big screen: The Graduate’s legendary, martini-sipping Mrs. Robinson. These days, real-life cougars are stars like Demi Moore (who, in her 40s, married then-twenty-something heartthrob Ashton Kutcher), the coiffed reality-show cast of The Real Housewives of Orange County, and, yes, everyday women—suburbanites and city-slickers alike.While there’s no denying that cougars are slinking into the mainstream, there’s still an element of taboo surrounding these age-spanning relationships.

“It’s definitely considered creepier for women to go out with younger men,” admitted Junie Smith*, a 52-year-old cougar who lives on Manhattan’s Lower East Side. “For a 70-year-old guy to go out with a 40-year-old woman, as opposed to a 70-year-old woman going out with a 40-year-old guy? A 70-year-old woman going out with a 40-year-old guy is considered creepy.”Why the double standard? Smith figured it comes down to science: “It probably has something to do with the concentration of the species on procreation,” she quipped.

All scientific notions aside, older women opt for younger men for the same reasons that older men select younger women.“The mentality of having a youthful person on your arm who makes you feel good, who makes you feel ageless, makes you feel desired and desirable,” Gibson said. Statistics compiled by AARP The Magazine back up the trend.A whopping 34 percent of women over 40 are dating younger men, according to a 2003 survey. The same poll, which surveyed 3,500 single people (both women and men) aged 40 to 69 year old found that 56 percent are currently separated or divorced from a spouse, 31 percent have never been married, and seven in 10 (74 percent) of formerly married singles in their 50s have been single for five years or more.The study stated that the divorce rate now, compared to when cougars were married some 25 years ago, has contributed to the amount of single, 50+ women, said to be “on the prowl” in today’s dating pool.

* * *For Wheeler, younger men have been a natural fit for an energetic lifestyle that her male peers have never quite matched.“I can’t explain why, but I’ve always been,” she said, pausing. “Without even knowing someone’s age, you can be sure I’m going to gravitate toward the younger guy. And I don’t know if it’s a function of I’m attracted to younger guys or younger guys are attracted to me. It’s just their energy, their enthusiasm” and—the biggie—“less baggage.”

In fact, the stuff of the past may be what keeps her from dating men closer to her age altogether. That and music, of course.“They’re always going on and on about their exes and the kids,” she said of her male peers. “The baggage, the baggage, is the main thing. And being stuck in the music they listened to in college. I want to know what’s new. I want to hear what’s new. Younger guys seem to have more to contribute to my life, and they’re just adorable.”The AARP study concludes that the No. 1 complaint from both single men and single women—42 percent and 35 percent, respectively—dating in their 50s was the history a partner of the same age carried into a relationship.Men, of course, have their reasons for dating older women, too. In the fast-paced world of Los Angeles, “dating” may mean going out a few times or spending just one night together.
“This isn’t about dating,” said Kevin Mercer* candidly. The 27-year-old works in L.A.’s entertainment industry and isn’t shy discussing his city’s cougar phenomenon. “It’s a total transactional situation.”And that works out just fine for these young men, who often prefer relationships—whether fleeting or long-term—with cougars.

“These older women are confident, sexually mature, they don’t have inhibitions, they know what they like, and they know what they want,” said Nancy D. O’Reilly, clinical psychologist, researcher, author and host of Voice America’s radio program “Timeless WomenSpeak.”

Cougars are independent, career-oriented women who have a been-there-done-that attitude towards marriage and “don’t need anyone to take care of them,” she said. “They’re looking for companionship, sexual contact, and someone good to talk to and spend time with. So be it if the relationship goes further.”

* * *While women aren’t exactly shouting their cougar status from the rooftops (“Women never want to be called a “cougar,” because it implies they’re older,” Mercer explained nonchalantly), men aren’t shy about their relationships with older women. On the contrary, they’ll even boast about them, wearing them, in the words of Mercer, “as a badge of honor.”According to Gibson, young men are driving the trend, sometimes even calling themselves “cougar hunters” when they’re out on the town looking for sexy older women.

“Younger men have no problem whatsoever in approaching an older woman who’s single or obviously not wearing a wedding ring anyway,” she said. “They don’t mind at all what age she is as long as she’s vital and gorgeous or something attracts them. Young men have no fear now of being put down by their peers when there’s cougars like Demi Moore and all these beautiful women around, and they say, ‘My gosh, I would love to bed her!

”Smith has found young men to be quite enthusiastic about spending time with her, and she definitely enjoys the attention. After all, she has worked hard for it, with ample sessions of yoga, calculated vitamin concoctions, a good diet, and even a little Botox here and there. And while she’s not thrilled with the term “cougar” (“slightly dangerous and prone to wearing animal-print clothes,” was her initial cougar visual), she’s certainly not changing her dating habits anytime soon. Wheeler isn’t either, but she’s warming up to the term—slowly.“It’s silly,” she said laughing. “But I use it. I use it now.”

cougars men club-

Real Cougar Men's Club - good guys don't finish last - boring guys do!
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December 15, 7:32 AM
by Linda Franklin, Real Cougar Lifestyle Examiner
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You've asked for it - now it's here. Real Cougar Men's Club. It's a special place where men who love and adore Real Cougar Woman will learn everything they need to know to capture their hearts.
Over the last year I have received so many requests from men wanting to join The Real Cougar Club. Of course that couldn't happen because that club is for women only. But now all you guys between the ages of 28 and 49 have your own special place.
The cougar relationship is a hot commodity, but too many men just aren't up for the challenge that a confident, smart, sexy,independent woman over 40 presents. That's why we are offering The Charm School for Guys to members. In addition,all graduates of Charm School are eligible to be included in our "Elite Introduction Service". To see all the wonderful benefits of joining go to Real Cougar Men's Club and sign up. You'll be glad you did.
I am really excited about this latest venture. Ladies, imagine having a guy in your life who has learned what it takes to make your heart sing. That's what they will learn in Charm School. And, the best part is you are going to have the opportunity to meet all these fellas - so stay tuned. I will keep you posted on their progress.
Topics: Relationships , Men , Cougars , Clubs

Definition of a COUGAR

What is a Real Cougar? She is style, she is grace, she is smart, she is a leader. She has worked hard, learned a lot and excelled at whatever she chose to do. She doesn’t ever have to apologize for being successful – she has earned her stripes.

“Real Cougars” are business women, and they are wives and mothers. A “Real Cougar” is not defined by a band on her finger, it’s her attitude about life. She is a woman who is constantly looking for new opportunities and knows how to get what she wants. Sometimes things don’t work out exactly as she plans, but she grows from each and every experience.

In folklore a cougar quietly take control of a situation. Sometimes this can lead to conflict with others over territory. A cougar is associated with leadership and teaches decisiveness in the use of personal power.

True leadership through gentle assertiveness is what cougar teaches those with this totem. Cougar people are often very sure of themselves, not taking any unnecessary steps or exerting any extra energy beyond what is required of them to achieve their goal. Most cougars learn by trial and error, which strengthens them and hones their skills.

A cougar will leap at opportunities. They take control of their lives and circumstances most effectively.

5 Components of a Real Cougar

Health & Wellness:

A Real Cougar Cougar knows that feeling good is the most important thing. Her body is changing each decade. It's her responsibility to keep it running at full capacity.

Beauty:

A Real Cougar doesn’t want to look 25. However she understands the importance of looking sexy and fabulous for the age she happens to be.

Relationships:

A Real Cougar knows that relationships are difficult to maintain. What’s interesting about being over 40 is your priorities change. Now it’s time to focus in on what you really want and stop pleasing everyone else.

Financial Freedom:

A Real Cougar knows the importance of being financially independent. Without that you never feel completely secure.

Mindset:

A Real Cougar knows how important it is to have a mindset that's programmed for success. Knowing how to tap into her spirit and her intuition is essential.

Aging is inevitable – how you age is always your choice!

men over 40

Men over 40, start 'monkeying' around
By Steve Penner

If one were to believe the way the media portrays dating patterns between men and women, one would think that men over 40 are only interested in women much younger than themselves.
Whether it be movies, television shows, or even commercials, these men are always depicted as chasing after (and often catching) women barely half their age.
This is where I usually insert a few pop culture references of "Michael Douglas"-like examples, but for once I'll leave it up to you the readers to think of really good ones. E-mail me (pennerst@hotmail.com) your most outrageous examples of older men being cast opposite women who should be playing their daughters, and I may include them in my next column.
I will admit that at the dating service I ran for 23 years, many men, especially the never-married ones, often did request meeting women a decade or two younger than themselves.
However, a recent article came across my desk (OK, my wife tore it out of her Science News magazine and forced me to read it) that got me thinking.
Titled "Age Becomes Her: Male Chimpanzees Favor Old Females as Mates," the article detailed a study, conducted by anthropologist Martin Muller of Boston University, of the Ugandan chimp community from 1996 to 2003. The study states that male chimps prefer older females "because of their demonstrated success at surviving and, in most cases, raising offspring."
It further says that "Male chimps mated substantially more often with females age 30 or older than they did with younger females "¦ even the oldest female, at roughly 55 years of age, attracted markedly more male interest than did young adult females ..."
Now one could ask what relevance that study has to dating among humans. Well, a few days after reading that article, two different friends coincidentally sent me via e-mail an amusing but poignant article written by "60 Minutes" curmudgeon Andy Rooney, detailing why men should prefer women over 40.
Here are a few of Rooney's more pertinent reasons:

"A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think."

"If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting."

"Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you "¦ in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it."

"Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart."

"Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her."

Thinking back to the age range requests at my dating service, I can definitely state that there was a direct correlation between many men's level of experience with women and their desire to meet younger, or even much younger women.
That is the less experienced men, who had never been in a long-term relationship, were the ones who most frequently asked (and often pleaded) to meet women 10-25 years younger than themselves. Often I interviewed men who were very bright but somewhat socially inept. They rationalized (in a sort of bizarre way) that their lack of dating experience would "fit" with younger women, because being younger, they would be less experienced, and therefore not notice what dweebs these guys were.

Another group of men who always requested meeting much younger women was the "player" type. They had spent their dating lives hopscotching from one brief relationship to another. Now, when they had finally decided they were ready to settle down, they were not seeking a partner, but rather the classic "trophy wife" to parade before friends and business associates.

In both cases, these were men whose social immaturity was easy to identify.

But the more experienced and "wiser" men over 40 who I interviewed, that is men who had been previously married and were either divorced, widowed, or who at least had lived with a woman for a number of years, tended to request meeting women close to their own age, or even in some cases, women older than themselves!
Yes these aware, intelligent, sensitive men, who had grown emotionally and psychologically, had ultimately evolved to match the maturity of the Ugandan chimpanzees!
Good for them.
Steve Penner was the owner of the Boston-based dating service LunchDates for nearly 23 years and interviewed and listened to feedback from thousands of single men and women from all over New England. "The Truth About Dating" reflects insights and observations based upon his experience. Penner welcomes feedback at pennerst@hotmail.com or through his Web site at http://www.thetruthaboutdating.com/.

Ah French women and men

Once again, this sexist ideal of women has popped its' ugly head up!
What is it with men- when they are young they want casual sex- when they are old they want casual sex---- then they run down the women providing said casual sex!
UGH!
In France- it is very common for both men and women to have lovers, many women 'of a certain age' have younger lovers ( for obvious reasons) and all is well.
Here, we have that rather vulgar term 'cougar' ( which no-one has actually been able to come with a description that is consistant) and over the seas women are allowed, encouraged to be sexual, vibrant and enchanting at any age!
This side of the ocean- you are hassled if you are an old maid- and riducled if you are sexual over 40!
Jeez- guys get it together!
Perhaps this is simply an extension of the old joke--- " what is the difference between a bitch and a slut?"
A bitch sleeps with everyone- a slut sleeps with everyone but you.
Ah--- once again grateful I am single- but I do feel like a voyeur in my friend's lives!

get hitched later in life

Gloria Steinem never thought it would happen to her, either.
The iconic feminist married at 66 - a decision that shocked not only observers.
"We shocked ourselves," the 74-year-old admitted once in an interview about her marriage to human rights activist David Bale. "Neither one of us thought that we wanted to get married."
Marriage at a young age is widely seen as a rite of passage, a step into settled-down adult life. Which may partly explain the cultural pressure for people to marry in their 20s and 30s - and why many want to. But at a later stage in life, after decades as a single person or after a divorce, the assumption that marriage is in your future often diminishes.
Some don't want to compromise their full, independent lives. Others think that they will never find the right person. Many who are divorced are reluctant to repeat the marital experience. For women of a certain age, the dating pool of eligible men shrinks: Even if they want to get married, they begin to accept the fact that they may not.
In Last Chance Harvey, the latest midlife romance movie - an ever-growing genre (Nights in Rodanthe, Something's Gotta Give) that an audience accustomed to nubile onscreen lovers may term ickflicks - Emma Thompson's character, Kate, tells Harvey (a rumpled Dustin Hoffman) what many older single women feel.
"I think I'm just more comfortable with being disappointed," the fortysomething never-married woman says.
But as the movies would have you believe (and as life sometimes demonstrates), romance can happen when you least expect it.
Last September, business author and veteran columnist Diane Francis attended a dinner at the Fraser Institute in Toronto. She was simply minding her rubber chicken when fate intervened. There were 700 guests at the function, but the only available seat happened to be next to hers, which is where construction baron John Beck sat down. By the end of the evening, they were smitten. Now they are married. "When it's right you just know it," she wrote in an e-mail about the speed of their courtship. "We were happily single but are now happily married," she added.
Many women fear they will never find love again because of their diminishing sexual allure - the midlife invisibility factor. "I had always been cute and I am fit, but suddenly, the men were not seeing me any more. They were looking over my head to see the younger, perky-breasted women," says Joan Price, a 65-year-old author and aerobics instructor in Sebastopol, Calif., near San Francisco. "I was crushed by that. I felt I had so much to give, and that my life experience didn't diminish me in the slightest. Rather, it added to what I could offer ... I was missing the chance to love and be loved. I just hated the thought of it being over."
Still, she refused to give in to Botox-mania. "I saw my wrinkles as a good screening test," she says. "I wanted someone who could look past the wrinkles. And I wasn't willing to lie about my age, either. I have spent decades finding out who my authentic self was, and I wasn't going to hide that to be in a relationship."
When she was 57, she met a 64-year-old divorced man, Robert Rice. "This dashing, silver-haired man walked into my line-dancing class, fastened his ocean-blue eyes on me, and I tried to remember to breathe," she recalls. They were friends for nine months before their romantic relationship began. They married in 2006.
For many, it's a matter of waiting for a partner who matches the self you have come to know very well by midlife. Fully formed, well past the malleable stage, you can't fool yourself about what you aren't any more. Finding someone whose odd-shaped pieces of personality fit (or at least complement) the nooks and crannies of your own can feel as difficult as finding a needle in a haystack. But for others, that certainty of self in midlife is what finally makes the prospect of melding two lives in marriage less threatening.
"It was something about me," Ms. Steinem replied when asked what it was about her husband that made her decide to do what she once considered diminishing to women. "I was 66. I was who I was. I no longer felt that I would have to give myself up in a way."
There is a stage of life that marriage seems to usher in when we are younger, but that is also true of the decision to wed at a later age. "We certainly didn't get married to have children," quips Marlene Hore, a legend in the Canadian advertising world for the past 30 years. After her first husband died, she spent 20 years on her own. Then she met, or rather met again, Bill McLaughlin. They had known each other as friends when they were both married. His marriage had ended in divorce. Three years ago, on Valentine's Day, they wed.
"We are trying to achieve other milestones" as a married couple, she says. "It wasn't for security. It was for the relationship."
They each have grandchildren. "It just seemed that we were a family." Walking into the sunset, married, just felt right.
For some people, the prospect of advancing age can be a marriage motivation, too. Like Last Chance Harvey, they don't want to let someone they connect with slip by, partly because, perhaps, they know how rare that connection is to find. "You only have maybe 20 good years left at this age, if you are lucky," I have heard many fiftysomething people say. And while possible physical frailty is a deterrent for some - "Why would I want to take on an old goat?" one older woman said about men her own age - it is also more reason to love, fully, in the moment.
Ms. Price lost her husband to cancer last August. And Ms. Steinem, too, lost Mr. Bale to cancer after three years of marriage. "Even if I knew what was going to happen, I would have chosen to go through with it," Ms. Steinem says.
Ms. Price echoes the sentiment. "I was deeply saddened over the loss

Interesting love serums

hmmmm..... so I guess, while the love serum was based on women giving it to men to get them to be committed.
Science has answered one of my many quiries- why do women get so attached after 'intimacy' and men may or may not. (Sorry, many women 'say' they can have casual sex--- but from my observation if they do - and the guy does not call back or appear interested after the woman does get upset---) It would seem to me that many women actually use sex to snare men-- .Not that that is news.
What is interesting is that even at this middle-age- men still want casual sex- then --again- get upset with women who are not interested in supplying that-- (I know old subject but one that does not seem to go away- I am hoping with the last post and this one we will have the answers for this and can move onto what makes dating fun for each sex)
1) Women who do not 'give it up easy'--- a) not interested in you
b) playing hard to get to ensure you are interested in
them as people
c) have no interest in sex
d) understand they are subject to the surge of oxtyocin
and make poor mate choices based on sex too early
in a relationship-- they have grown up!
2) Men just want sex with anyone--- jeezzzzh guys could you give me something to work with here- even I am getting jaded with you guys-- and I actually adore men!
Need some 'good guys' to step in here and help me- defend yourselves- please you cannot all be beasts--- I know some good guys----(I think)

love serums- how to get an interest to commit

ANNE MCILROY
From Thursday's Globe and Mail
January 8, 2009 at 8:58 AM EST
She's a woman in love, but her prince isn't ready to settle down. So she crumbles a love drug into his beer, and soon he is talking about marriage and children.
Love potions have long been the stuff of fairy tales, but a U.S. scientist who studies the brain chemistry of social relationships says real-life versions may not be far off.
"Recent advances in the biology of pair bonding mean it won't be long before an unscrupulous suitor could slip a pharmaceutical 'love potion' into our drink," writes Larry Young, a neuroscientist at Emory University in Atlanta, in an essay in today's edition of the journal Nature.
Dr. Young and his colleagues are not love doctors, but they are trying to tease out the role genes and hormones play in social bonding in mammals. They hope their work leads to new ways to treat autism, a condition that can disrupt social relationships.
And when it comes to a "love potion," there are ethical as well as strategic issues to consider, Dr. Young said in a telephone interview.
What happens if a partner finds out he or she has been drugged to the altar? Or if the effect of such a potion wears off?
"It is one thing if you voluntarily use something like this to enhance your marriage, but if you are trying to give it to someone else, that is unethical," he said.
The science of love may be a sideline for the researchers, but in 2004 they made headlines when they reported that they had turned naturally promiscuous voles into monogamous ones by tinkering with a single gene.
Since then, there have been a number of steps toward a commitment pill.
Humans have the same gene - known as AVPR1A - that Dr. Young works with in voles. In September, Swedish researchers reported that men with a particular version of it are twice as likely to remain unmarried as other men. Guys with the gene who had tied the knot were twice as likely to report a recent crisis in their marriage.
How could one gene influence something as complex as a romantic relationship?
In voles, it plays a role in how the male brain responds to a hormone called vasopressin, which is associated with pleasure and reward. It is released after they have sex.
Voles have receptors that help the brain process vasopressin. Those with more of the receptors are more likely to be monogamous.
The gene Dr. Young is studying affects the number of receptors the animals have. Prairie voles tend to get attached to one female; they have more receptors. Meadow voles like to play the field; they have fewer of them. Dr. Young and his colleagues were able to change meadow voles' natural propensity to philander by getting the gene to produce more receptors.
Scientists aren't sure exactly how AVPR1A works in humans.
"If there are more receptors in certain parts of the brain that elicit certain types of emotion, it would make that individual feel differently when they are with another person," Dr. Young said.
A love potion would somehow alter this circuitry. It could be as simple as giving men more vasopressin, he says. But it might not be that easy; the number and location of the receptors might be more important than the amount of hormone.
It is a little bit more straightforward with the so-called love hormone, oxytocin. Produced during orgasm and childbirth, the hormone promotes bonding.
In prairie voles, oxytocin is released in the brains of females during mating. Dr. Young says a female with a brain infused with the hormone rapidly becomes attached to the nearest male.
The hormone also plays a role in social bonding in humans. Experiments have shown that people given a nasal squirt of oxytocin are more trusting and more in tune with the emotions of others.
But does it offer a chemical fix for romantic difficulties?
At the University of Sydney in Australia, researchers are conducting an experiment to see if sniffing oxytocin can help couples during marital counselling.
There are probably many hormones - and genes - that affect pair bonding in humans, and one day genetic screening could offer a new way to assess a prospective partner.
"If, in 20 years, we could come up with a list of 25 genes that predicted 50 per cent of the variability in human relationships, then you could have a decent predictor of relationship quality," Dr. Young said.
But DNA testing could thwart Cupid. Genes don't predict how an individual will behave, he says. At best, genetic screening would help people make a better guess about what the future could hold.
What if you find your soulmate, Dr. Young asked, but end the relationship because genetic profiling suggests they may not stick around?
"You could miss out on your perfect partner."