when is it time to decide if you are interested?

Okay, when out 'dating' when is the right time to decide when someone is not right for you?
It would seem from some of the comments on this blog and men I have spoken with about this is right away--- it seems men seem to know 'right away if they want to do a woman.' So that is the reason they would ask a woman out again.
Back to school again.
I guess many women agree- BUT that is just to have sex--- it does take longer to decide if someone is a person you want a relationship with and that takes time.
So, women I guess should not go out for a second cup of coffee with men unless they are attracted physically--- and if you are attracted to him- but not sure if you want a relationship with him you should NOT go for a second cup of coffee as he will think then you 'want to do him.'
Jessh- boy am I glad I am single- thought the sexes were closer than this!
Cause if you don't want to meet him in private after the first cup of coffee in public ( and you do not know who this person and have never met him before- do not worry about your safety- just agree to meet him in private anyway-- JEESH--- isn't this what happened to a man that met a 'woman' in her garage and got cut up?)
aughhhh-- I think if a man is not interested in how you feel and your sense of safety he is not worth having a second cup of coffee with- cute or not!

hey- just an idea

Maybe.... just maybe.... women are looking for a great guy to hang out with- then when they find good companionship they want an intimate relationship.
Maybe- most guys still just want casual sex- that is why so many men go for the younger women that still just want sex first and relationship second.
just an idea

interesting comment

A recent comment stated that if a woman sees a man three times- she is a tease if she does not consider this a 'relationship'. Have we really slid that far apart from either sex?
Most women I know- and most men still consider the third 'date' as a look see- and consider it okay if you get to the third date.
For the record- comment-- please do not assume that all that is written here is first person--or even related to the same men in the rest of the article-- sometimes I just vent about a few issues at once--.
So having said that- there is something to say about the few gentlemen that still do understand that just because you 'of this middle-age' you still may wish to be treated like a lady- and they are willing to spoil, and pamper and become friends before they assume any other intentions. Also- there are still the ladies that prefer to simply have a fun good time- do not really wish to get to know you too well before and will 'hook up' with you on the first and for sure by the 3rd date- but that does not mean either that these women consider you a boyfriend.
It would seem not much has changed since college- there are the 'good girls' the fun girls- the guys that want to be players- and the good guys that want to get to know you and care about you before they consider 'going for it'.
Age does not seem to change all the good ol dating rules---
So- I guess the easiest way to make your way around this is to consider what sort of dater you are and what you are looking for.
first date- and hook up?
2nd coffee and hookup
or looking for the long term get to know each other and 'hook up' when it feels right...... not to worry you will find the right type of date for you as the other ones will simply fall by the wayside---maybe with a few parting shots- but they will fall by the wayside
Happy dating- and remember I am here for your questions and concerns!

ah and on dates

Please can someone explain to me why when a guy takes a girl out for a cup of coffee- at this middle age time- it suddenly seems the guy thinks they have a relationship???
It was a cup of coffee, a glass or two of wine- maybe a dinner- but that makes it dating- not having a serious committed relationship!
Come on guys- you have 'dated' before- that is what it is simply dating.... you and her can see other people, have dinner and drinks with other folks.
You are not having a committed relationship just because you have hung out together or are hanging out together.
This may be news to some of you guys- when you were younger maybe women went out for a drink and then thought you were their boyfriend- not so anymore- now you simply are a guy they went for a drink with.
Also, do not assume you are now their boyfriend- cause you bought them a coffee- do not call at all hours, drop by their house un-announced- expect them to want to meet your friends, actually this behaviour is creepy-------. The lady went for a drink with you--- nothing more!
If you are hanging out- maybe that is all she wants is to 'hang out'- maybe you really did not interest her in the way you wanted--relax- chill and please do not be so needy, clingy, overly-sensitive, possesive, and desperate- You are behaving in the same manner you used to refer to women--- Yuk--- not attractive!

dating

ah- the middle aged man- who complains about us bitter middle-aged women......
It seems to me that the middle aged man is much more desperate to find a woman than the middle aged woman is to find a man......
Guys- if you want a middle-aged woman lets look at a few facts and rules
1) do not meet her for coffee and whine about your ex, your relationship, your sick parents- she is actually looking to have some fun, light lively chatter-- try to act happy.
2) Upon meeting her for coffee remember it is the first time you have taken her out- do not complain about how the 'other women' wanted expensive dinners etc- while you have a $1.20 coffee at Timmies----
3) Jeesh- dating at 40+ is no different than dating at 20- guys you want the girl to like her- treat her like you like her not like she is at the inquisition.
Women- most are not about to jump into bed with you on the first- or even third date... that is simply the way it is.
You have to impress us and give us a reason to see you again-- and that is not made by running down all the other women you have seen, telling us how wonderful you are- or acting as though we are your personal shrinks- leave the shrink work to the shrinks- act nice, friendly and kind with us----
jeesh- we have enough of our own problems - we do not want to hear about yours- try to solve them or feel we are sitting across the table from someone with more problems then we need to add to our lives.
Perhaps lastly- if you have so many problems- save all of us and solve your problems first- get divorced, solve the money problems, get happy before you try to date.
If you want a nice happy girl- be a nice happy guy that she would want to hang out with!

some female venting

This is the first of a few posts coming that hopefully will help some of you guys get some footing in the real world.....
1) Numero uno- this is a big one--- DO NOT EVER GO TO A WOMAN'S HOUSE WITHOUT CALLING FIRST- AND BEING INVITED- EVER!
I do not care what the excuse you use is- NEVER -- this is rude, makes the woman feel creeped out and turns you into a somewhat semi stalker----
EVER- REMEMBER - If you are on fire or dying- go to the fire department or hospital- DO NOT CALL HER- and do not drop by just because you are on fire- dying, in the neighbourhood!
Hmmm- I feel much better now- thanks for letting me vent
The above action will not impress her- make her like/love/ respect you more!
NEVER DROP BY A GIRLS HOUSE UNINVITED FOR ANY REASON_ IF YOU DO- DO NOT ACT SURPRISED IF SHE IS UPSET WITH YOU___ YOU BROKE NUMBER ONE CARDINAL RULE FROM WHEN YOU WERE A KID!!!!!!

Part two

So, 'married but unhappy' we will just call him MBU--- called my friend while I was driving her home- and yes indeed he did 'drop' over to her house after I left and around 2:00 am by this time.
(Again, no judgements here the rest of the story is coming)
So, the long and short of it gentlemen......
1) He did not even bring a condom-- bring your own! Luckily my friend is much smarter and had a few! (which she only needed one of-----)
2) Apparently he could not get all the blood to the right place and was rather 'not ready'.......kissed badly all in all the sex was terrible, short and bad-------- no wonder his marriage is rocky....... half full tent pole, short tent pole and not 'up' for long enough to set the tent up correctly..... yup married women will go camping with other tents if this is the case!
3) He was running to the washroom all night= approx- 6 times and he left at around 6 am.
4) My friend was going to suggest he get his prostrate fixed- but then again he is/was/wanted to be a 'doctor' so he should know this!
Moral of the story- if your wife is cheating, if you are getting bad sex from your wife and the lovely ladies you bed on the side-----Get your prostrate checked! You are embarrassing yourself and 'pissing' off the women your life! (Is that enough motivation to see the doctor and be embarassed once- in front of a real doctor?) Getting your prostrate checked could save your marriage, your sexual repuation never mind your life!

bars- married men and single women

Installment One
Okay, I live in a cave.
The other night I went to the theatre with a lovely, lively single over 40 year old women. Within one minute of me going up to the bar to get a cocktail for us I was approached by two not bad looking 30 something men who proceeded to offer the drinks I was ordering.
Then, they proceeded to tell me they were doctors here on business, both married, one very unhappily.
Graciously, accepting the cocktails for both me and my girlfriend sitting over at the table- and after delivering her drink to her, I returned to listen to this absurd banter.
It did not take long to realize the doctor stuff was bullshit- but they were entertaining.
After some more banter, they finally accepted that I was- in truth- not interested in married men- or single men for that matter for a 'flash in the pan.'
The unhappy man from Vancouver- lets call him Lyle--told me his 'story'. Married for 17 years to a women who did not drive, was an educated 'Hutterite' that looked like a runway model (see what sort of lame shit we have to listen to--however, enjoy the fun of the conversation).
Anyways, wife was not happy, Lyle drank too much, she was bored, they have no children..... she had become a Beatch (bitch). What was he to do? He was so unhappy. He did not get any love, and attention. He could not make her happy. If only he could leave, find true love and move on.
Yawn-- come on guys- come up with something more interesting.
I asked him what his part was in this failing relationship- and of course nothing was his fault.
"When was the last time you took her on a date, bought her flowers, rubbed her back, ran her tub, gave her great sex?"
"Jee, I just took her to Phoenix-- she shopped I golfed" ( are you guys getting this?)
Again, I asked-then I told him. "Go, get her an outfit, make the reservations, order for her- spoil her pamper her and make her feel special. Give her great sex".
"I give her everything, I think she has a lover."
Anyway.....
Since I was obviously not interested in 'making the hay', the shift began toward my lovely and lively friend who was dancing and having a great time. She- was however interested in no strings attached fun and the shift happened rather quickly for the 'married but unhappy' man.... salesman for medical equipment from Vancouver with the 1,000,000 dollar house close to the children's hospital in Vancouver married to the physio tech (??).
Hmmmm...... my friend's cell phone ran while I was in the car driving her home----- and part two tomorrow.
Have a terrific day--- and gentleman- there is no judgement here but you may not like what I say in part three of this story- but it may do you well to tune back in.

For the gentlemen! Phase Two

Do not argue with a woman who is late or takes her time getting ready
"Beautiful people are sometimes more prone to keep you waiting than plain people because there is a big time differential between the beaufiful and the plain." Andy Warhol

"Kidult"

this wonderful phrase was invented by Kidada Jones, Quincy Jones' daughter, to describe herself.... an kid... adult.....
while she is in training to be over 40 her insight and wisdom gave her entrance to this blog-- Kidada-- recently a member of Disney consumer production team explores the fun, creativity and excitement with being a child while balancing that with the responsibilities of being an adult (a balancing act many us have not yet managed).
"Kidada manages to make the need to keep your childhood imagination alive cool" states her sister----
so if it is playing with or collecting Disney characters, writing songs, painting, wearing Mickey Mouse t-shirts, designing clothes --- anything remember to keep a muscle working you need to exercise it- so exercise your imagination-- stay away from dull and boring--- be a kid- have some fun for darns sake!