Okay- this seems to be an issue
I have had men friends my entire life- I enjoy their company more than most women. Men tend to talk about events, politics, theories- not people and feelings to ad naseum.
Not that I don't enjoy a good chat about shoes and perfume sometimes.
I was so shocked when I was 13 and my male friends started getting weird on me- and asking me out! What?!
Since then, I have to admit many of my male friends have told me they actually wanted more than friends- but are happy with being a friend than not having me in their lives at all....
Also, my best friend likes to joke he is so happy that I did not find 'that special spark' with him.
He would of missed out on the true love of his life- a terrific girl who adores him. In addition he says "You would of been my second ex-wife."
You see I am not good wife or girlfriend material- I am kinda like the male bad boy. The one that is out fishing for a trophy- and ends up sport fishing instead - finding the throw back ones.
In reference to my behaviour- it should be noted that I became a 'housewife' at just 17---and have spent years in that role- granted with 3 different men. At this point in my life- should 'my trophy love' come around I want to be free to 'fall crazy in love with him.' My list of requirements for this are simply far too long for any true mortal male to fulfill. So single I am---and free to come and go and do as I please!
My male friends are also kind enough to indulge me in my delusion that I don't need a man!
They also keep their mouths shut about it!
Yes, they help me- fix my house, let my haul junk -actually they haul junk for me in their trucks, lend a hand- and strenght-with gardening ideas and a host of other things.
My best friend and I share a love of scotch and cooking and spend most of our time talking about this- while he makes me dinner at his house- with his lovely 'wife' there!
I have another friend that has picked up the slack and saved my sorry ass and fixed up my house after I got royally screwed by a contractor that I thought was my friend. He also takes me out to the most glorious places-- spoils me rotten and understands that I am not available for a relationship of anything greater than friends.
Yes, I am lucky- and I adore all of them- and they do help me out-- like taking care of a poor little sister that needs help- but is too damn stubborn to admit it.
To you guys thanks- and you think I didn't know!
I have had men friends my entire life- I enjoy their company more than most women. Men tend to talk about events, politics, theories- not people and feelings to ad naseum.
Not that I don't enjoy a good chat about shoes and perfume sometimes.
I was so shocked when I was 13 and my male friends started getting weird on me- and asking me out! What?!
Since then, I have to admit many of my male friends have told me they actually wanted more than friends- but are happy with being a friend than not having me in their lives at all....
Also, my best friend likes to joke he is so happy that I did not find 'that special spark' with him.
He would of missed out on the true love of his life- a terrific girl who adores him. In addition he says "You would of been my second ex-wife."
You see I am not good wife or girlfriend material- I am kinda like the male bad boy. The one that is out fishing for a trophy- and ends up sport fishing instead - finding the throw back ones.
In reference to my behaviour- it should be noted that I became a 'housewife' at just 17---and have spent years in that role- granted with 3 different men. At this point in my life- should 'my trophy love' come around I want to be free to 'fall crazy in love with him.' My list of requirements for this are simply far too long for any true mortal male to fulfill. So single I am---and free to come and go and do as I please!
My male friends are also kind enough to indulge me in my delusion that I don't need a man!
They also keep their mouths shut about it!
Yes, they help me- fix my house, let my haul junk -actually they haul junk for me in their trucks, lend a hand- and strenght-with gardening ideas and a host of other things.
My best friend and I share a love of scotch and cooking and spend most of our time talking about this- while he makes me dinner at his house- with his lovely 'wife' there!
I have another friend that has picked up the slack and saved my sorry ass and fixed up my house after I got royally screwed by a contractor that I thought was my friend. He also takes me out to the most glorious places-- spoils me rotten and understands that I am not available for a relationship of anything greater than friends.
Yes, I am lucky- and I adore all of them- and they do help me out-- like taking care of a poor little sister that needs help- but is too damn stubborn to admit it.
To you guys thanks- and you think I didn't know!
5 comments:
OK, here's the thing about this whole "friendship" deal that comes up over and over and over again.
From a guy's point of view, it seems awfully one-sided.
I mean, by your own admission your male friends help you haul your junk to the dump in their truck. They make you dinner. They fix your house. They lend a hand with gardening.
But apparently they're not in the running to be romantically involved.
Meanwhile, and also by your own admission, you tend to "throw back" the ones that don't measure up relationship-wise. And which ones would measure up? Only those that you will "fall crazy in love with," and who would measure up to your admittedly impossible-to-find list of requirements.
But with your age and experience (and no, I'm not saying you're old - I'm older - but I am saying that you've got experience that younger women don't have) you have undoubtedly come to realize that 'crazy in love' is very short term. It's a transitory state; it doesn't last long because it's not supposed to last long. To think that love is all about constant heart-flutters and torrid passion and continual mutual orgasms is simply not based in reality.
Meanwhile, those men that are in your orbit are proving to you that they're reliable, capable, decent-hearted men. But you won't give them a chance because you don't feel "it" (whatever "it" is) and they don't fulfill that impossible list of requirements.
They are offering you the best of what they are. And what are they getting in return? A gentle, but firm, "Thanks, but I just like you as a friend. I could not be romantically involved with you."
There is no greater insult to a man than to be told by a woman he's romantically interested in that he's a "nice guy" but "just a friend."
The correlation would be if a man says to a woman, "I just want you for sex and cleaning the house. Otherwise, you mean nothing to me."
It's damn hurtful.
Theo, well said. I completely agree. I do not give back near enough to my male friends, they do spoil me rotten and I have had chats about this- the guilt you (I) feel.
In a way, I think they know me better than I know myself sometimes and understand I have had a very hard life and simply cannot give that.
As for the 'flutter' and heart racing of the first stirrings of love- I have never had that-and I would like to.
Unfortuneatly, we as humans do not always pick the best person for ourselves- me amonst that group.
Also, I go dip my toe in lake- so to speak- find a man- and very shortly he does something that I have to run from.
For example- first meet for a drink and he has to sit 2 inches from me and rest his hand on my thigh! -- toast!
Then another one- second dinner date honestly started screaming at me- that I will use a knife and fork when I eat my pizza in Italy (I hardly ever eat pizza- we were not in Italy- how dare he assume we had a relationship- and piss off Mr English sir- I eat my pizza- when I do eat with my fingers- along with a host of other foods (I am best I guess with Indian food and such as you are allowed to eat that with your fingers)
So, when I do meet a man I think I may like - something happens--- and I am sorry- but there has to be some romantic spark.... there has to be!
In closing- I am just honestly not interested in a 'relationship' with any man- I do not want to wake up to someone-answer for my where-abouts- all the rest- I am simply better off single.
In addition- I truly love some of male friends--- as little sister and if they agree to that then the friendship can continue- if not -then it is their choice to move on.
I do agree- but hence the strangeness of humans----- and women- oy!
AH I have been thinking- best clarify.
The one friend that cooks for me- is the one that is married and it is always at his house with his wife and kids- this friendship is going on almost 10 years. Truly he does not cook 'for me' he cooks for himself and his family and invites me over.
I have a couple of male friends with trucks and have asked twice for help hauling things- I have a large SUV of my own- that helps.
The one friend that is spoiling me now- is actually going through his own relationship troubles and he tells me I am his shoulder right now and I am doing him a favour by letting him help me- and he comes and drinks wine and we talk. (I was worried about this situation and he assures me he is not interested and truly does not want a girlfriend or anything like that- so I am in the clear)
The gardening thing- I borrow friends gardening tools and sometimes I have had help with large things.( my son's father is a friend and he tries to help- another story)
Then I have friends that friends of my brothers that I have known since I was 13 and they do treat me like a little sister and help when they can.......
whew- and I have friends of my own from my early 20's that are all married and I see them when they come into town and we just chat.....
Oh blast..!
I had this wonderfully written post, full of marvellous metaphors and silky similes, even some alluring alliteration thrown in... and somehow lost it between "Select profile" and "Post Comment."
Anyway, my point - and I did have one, really! - was simply to re-iterate my original post: That "friends" between men and women is, more often than not, very one-sided.
As for your horrible first-date stories, I've got a few myself. Here's a brief rundown of two, just for fun:
She looked at me over the table, candlelight sparkling in her eyes. She sipped a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon, leaving red lipstick marks on the glass. Then, with a knowing smile, she leaned forward and said, in a sultry tone just above a whisper, "So, how much DO you make, anyway?"
Another woman offered to pick me up on the way to the theatre. I had offered to drive, but she said, "No problem, I'll come by your place. It's closer anyway." So I open the car door and she says, "Just a moment, I have to blow into the onboard breathalyzer before I can start the car. Would you mind hanging on a moment? I'm hoping to fool it, cuz I've already hadda few... NO, WAIT... How about you blow into it for me?"
I asked, "How did you get the car started in the first place?"
She responded, "Oh, I didn't have anything before I left," she paused for a moment and withdrew a mickey of rum out of her coat pocket, "but I had a bit of a nip on the way over."
There are, however, a few really good things about horrible first dates. They make great stories (are you thinking what I'm thinking?- "multi-million dollar book deal?"). And you already know, right up-front, what you're dealing with, whether it's a gold-digger or a pizza-Nazi.
By the way, who DOESN'T eat pizza with their fingers?
exactly! Stuffy Englishmen that are trying impress eat pizza with a knife and fork - and my very lineal thinking, clean-freak brother....very nice writing by the way!
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