Courtly behvaiour

This outrage over the 90 day rule being spewed from the author of 'Act like a lady and think like a Man', seems to be getting more fuss from the ladies then the men.
That may be 'cause most men know they can easily get the milk after the max of 3 dates...... and women cry " I am equal- I can have sex too.' Both opinions true.
However, I know many women, who still at this age, still sit by the phone wondering if he will call after she gives up the booty call early.
While this will outrage 'feminists' I agree- casual sex does not come free for most women- they do feel used if no return affection is offered by the man. The man is simply happy.
I believe in 'feminism' but to me the word is the power of being feminine- I don't think there is any weakness in thinking and acting like a woman.
I still want and expect the dates booked three days in advance, a call the day to confirm, a nice place for dinner, some conversation, a reason to be interested in this man.
You take me for a cheap coffee and think I am going to put out --- nope!
Then, these men have the audacity to call me a gold-digger.... Well lets make another name up
"Pussy-digger'--- those men who expect a piece of 'pie' to go with their coffee.
Funny, it is the same men who lament about finding a nice decent woman..... but will not make the effort when they find one.
Gentlemen- flowers are not bad, good manners are nice-- also please do not spend the entire evening talking about your divorce, your money and your company!
Also, recently, I have a post in lava life and note I am not interested in camping, fishing, hunting or gold- I like the arts...... So, why then would a man that seemed interested in me continue to ask me out (and I thought he had potential so I went a few times) but then he asked me to hockey games, car shows----- and the entire time was wearing either a touque perched on top of his head like some sort of cone- or an old dirty baseball cap with some sort of car part supplier on it!
He seemed like a nice enough guy- but sorry he showed no interest in what my wants and likes were! Women have for years put aside their want and desires to raise kids and husbands and now in our -middle age are looking for a companion- someone to share things with- a friend.
When you are young great sex can get you through life (for awhile) until you reach middle- age and realize you have nothing in common. So, at this age I think most folks should look for someone that shares common interests, goals, perhaps have some of the same life experiences-- and not just look for the hot 50 year old to drag into bed.

creating interest over 40

The debate rages about the desire for intimacy and the lack there-of
Many philosophists will argue that living a safe existence is not living at all- stepping outside of our comfort zones is what keeps us alive and actually involved in our lives.
The same is said for passion- passion is fueled by the unknown, the unexpected the perhaps slightly dangerous, out of reach.
That may be one of the reason we all see men and or women with partners that are perhaps a touch 'rough on the edges'- but they have a power, a passion about them...... some call it the bad boy or slut edge.
It may be but in order to keep passion I think you need to keep mystery, and jeez- I am not a bad looking middle-aged women and do you think men of this age are willing to go the mile to 'impress me'? Nope- it would seem everyone is so burnt out that no-one single is willing to go the extra mile-- if that is what is in singledom-- then you can only imagine what is happening to those poor souls mated for life!
UGHHH- sorry but the more I write this blog and chat on-line the more I am actually getting jaded and think single is the best-- actually I have thought that for awhile ---
but I am getting to the point of frustration so lets start a series on how to kink it up-- you would be surprised at how secure those relationships are where the partners do share their fantasies (that are mutually agreed on)
Come on- you have always wanted a bath slave....... okay I digress-- tomorrow I will finally work on this how to be a lady in public, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in private ( and don't get it backwards)

lovers from the past

Sex and the married life

This of course is a common thread- and I have wondered, discussed and pondered this problem for years so here goes!
Why is that folks who are married are scared to share their fantasies with their partners then complain of having no sex!
Okay I am going to let go here--
Men, if you have a premature ejaculation problem - take care of it before you bother your partner-- in addition, the back hair, improper 'down there grooming' and the huge belly is not attractive to us. Take some responsibility to groom yourself so you are attractive to us women.
I know- us women must make the effort as well- I am with you- but this is my blog and I am so sick of hearing overweight ungroomed men complain (I live in red neck Edmonton) so that should clear that up.
Now- armed with clean and shiny faces and other parts, meds for the 'dinky-do'--- nice smile, good attitude and some early morning flirting with your partner you just might get some!

Why not share your real fantasy with your partner- pretend you are having an affair with them arrange to meet for a lunch (yes- even take the afternoon off of work) meet them for lunch - and share you favorite wild fantasy. Many married folks are so afraid to actually share who they are with their partners but have no problem sharing with a prostitute or 'other'. This is done out of fear- fear of rejection.
Yet, interesting the most common fantasy is that of domination and submission- and or 'bondage'..... yup even your uptight little wife most likely deep down either wants to be tied up or wants to bend you over a bench and give your hairy behind a nice rap with a lovely little black whip!
More on this tomorrow-- but why not share with your partner? Go have an affair.

Angelina or Jennifer

I find it rather amusing that men drool over Angelina- and her type of woman. Strong, confident, sexy, self-assured and a touch wild. .... but they are afraid of her type. They want a woman like that and then want to tame her---- or just have one like that for fun.

Jennifer is the 'type' they marry, cute, not as dangerous and easily more controllable.

Yawnnnnn.......... if I was a man I would like to have the cajones to go after and keep a woman like Angelina happy-- but that would take a self-assured confident man!

Any comments?

married or dead

SARAH HAMPSON
From Thursday's Globe and Mail
February 19, 2009 at 12:58 AM EST
What is a wife? A dead girl.
That is the message – unintentional, mind you – of a painting by French artist Gustave Courbet that belongs to Smith College, a famously feminist all-women's institution in Northampton, Mass.
The 1850s-era work depicts a young bride surrounded by women who are helping her prepare for her wedding. But for many years, there were questions about it. Why is the bride's head slightly lopsided? Her arms limp by her side? Why is she slumped in her chair?
An X-ray provided the answer. Mr. Courbet had painted a scene of women preparing a dead body for a funeral. He left it unfinished, however, and after he died his sister asked another artist to make adjustments to create a happier scene so the work would sell. Mr. Courbet's original title, The Preparation of the Dead Girl, had been changed to The Preparation of the Bride.
The Smith College Museum of Art now uses the before-and-after to help teach students about art history and painting technique, says Louise Laplante, the school's collections manager – not as a comment on marriage.
But maybe the college should, as it would provoke an interesting discussion about wife and husband identities and the roles they encourage. Once divorced, many people discover, quite surprisingly, that parts of their character re-emerge, even though they weren't aware they had lost or subsumed them while married.
Unwittingly, often, they had let some part of themselves fade.
What it means to be a wife or husband is often learned as a child. You emulate what you experienced with your parents or forge your own role in contrast. Like many women of my generation, I borrowed a bit from my mother, who was a traditional stay-at-home wife, and another part from my contemporaries and my own ambitions.
I wanted a degree of financial independence and some semblance of an identity outside that of wife and mother, but I also made it my job to have nice dinner parties and a tidy home. Somewhere in my wife psyche, I also thought I needed to defer to my husband all the time and let him have control – a situation that, over time and as I matured, became untenable. In her 2004 book The Meaning of Wife, Anne Kingston delved into the complex and often contradictory wife-identity issue for women.
Men receive subliminal messages about what a husband should be, too. “The underlying assumption, when a man becomes a husband, is that he can support a wife and family,” says Neil Chethik, an American commentator on men's issues and author of Voice Male, What Husbands Really Think about their Marriages, their Wives, Sex, Housework and Commitment.
A thrice-married and divorced 50-year-old man we'll call Mr. Experience explains: “One of the first things older men say to a young man who has just married is ‘Well done.' It's as if you have joined a club of grown-up men.”
Some feel crushed under the burden of the role. “I had to wear so many hats,” Alan Harding, a recently separated father, told The New York Times last month in the paper's “State of the Unions” column about marriage. “I had to be the daddy. I had to bring home money. I had to be the husband and I had to be the best friend. I wasn't ready for that.”
Interestingly, Mr. Harding and his estranged spouse, Leslie Parks, had lived together happily for many years before marrying. Their first son was born out of wedlock. The change in role – and his own expectation about what he should be – came with marriage.
Apart from the assumption of gender roles in marriage, a couple's desire to pursue common interests, as opposed to individual ones, can also curtail the personalities and lifestyle developed while single. I know of many divorced men and women who happily resort to pre-marriage behaviours their ex-spouses discouraged. There is some sweet and satisfying retribution for the lost wife years in decorating a house to your preferences rather than accommodating a husband's tastes, for example. And a sports car is a popular reidentification device for a man who is happy to be a non-husband again.
Still, the loss of the spousal identity is not always easy. “I didn't want to be a traditional wife. I took on the identity gradually. It wasn't something I embraced,” says Sally Morgan, a 42-year-old mother of three who was married for 17 years. “And yet when we divorced it was a very difficult transition. Being my husband's wife had become an important part of who I was. I was proud of him, and I had spent so much time supporting him and being the primary caregiver for our children,” the Victoria resident says. “I remember being sort of cast at sea immediately after the divorce.”
But a year and a half later, she feels liberated. “For me, one of the joys of divorce has been rediscovering myself. It is very freeing to be able to start to reclaim who I was and start to nurture that person.”
For men, the loss of the husband identity is often difficult, primarily because of the competency it suggests, male experts say. “It's a loss of purpose, which is very hurtful to men,” Mr. Chethik says. “They lose their status as head of the family.”
Still, the insight that comes in the wake of the loss can be helpful. Some ex-wives admit that they descended into domesticity and lost sight of their primary relationship with their spouse. No longer intellectual partners, they talked about diapers, babysitters and school choices.
Men, too, hope to learn from their identity mistakes. “Many go to the extreme of wanting to please their wives, and they lose their identity as men,” explains Elliot Katz, a divorced father and author of Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man. “Many think, ‘My wife seems to know what she wants, so I'll just do what she says and I'll be a good husband.' But that's not what women want. Strong women want a strong man.”
Mr. Experience adds:
“Being a husband is a title. It's what you become when you marry someone. But it shouldn't be a preset role. It should be about being in love. My regret is that I let the institution of marriage and the role of husband and father be enough. You fall into these roles, and all that men and women really want is the person they fell in

How to meet the great gal or guy over 40

It breaks my heart whenever I hear women say that there aren't any good men over 40 left to date, because it's just not true.

Sure, it feels true when you're sitting across the table from your blind date—a guy who wears black socks with sandals and whines about how his seventh divorce really was all his wife's fault, because frankly, in his opinion, all women are inherently evil, gold diggers or both.

But there are a lot of decent, kind, available men over 40 who are single and looking for someone to love. We all know that once you hit your fortieth (err, thirtieth) birthday, you're not going to have much luck spending every weekend hanging out in a bar, gripping a bottle of light beer, and listening to the same old jokes, meeting the same people in different clothes.

When we belly up to the bar, we're much more likely to meet that smarmy loser whose exposed silver chest hairs seem perilously likely to fall in our drinks than be the man of our dreams. So where do you go to meet these wonderful, enlightened, please-let-them-be- attractive, minimally damaged men over 40?
5 Unexpected Places to Find Great, Single Men Over 40 to Date Right Now

1) Parties Once-Removed: Six Degrees of BarbequeHow can you expect to meet and date great men over 40 when you always invite the same seventeen people to all of your parties?
Bring some new blood to the old gang. With Parties Once-Removed, everybody you invite brings someone that nobody else in the group knows. Think of it as six degrees of separation, only backwards. Voila! You'll have a party full of brand-new people who already get along great with your closest friends.

2) Go Clubbing

Want to meet an endless supply of fit, financially comfortable, educated men over 40? Take up golfing. If you don't already golf, there are lots of reasonably priced lessons at your local public course. (And of course, plenty of overpriced ones at the private clubs.) Once you've mastered the basics, you have two options to maximize your man-meeting potential: You can pull together a foursome with a collection of like-minded women, or you can head out to the course on Saturday morning as a single and complete someone else's foursome.If you're golfing as a single, you'll be meeting three new people (most likely men) and odds are in your favor that at least one of them is single. (The Census Bureau estimates that 30 percent of Americans born between 1946 and 1964 are single.) You'll have him all to yourself for eighteen holes, and if you like him, you can let him buy you a Bloody Mary when you finish your round. And, don't worry about whether or not you're any good—nobody is.

3) Go to Somebody Else's Company Picnic

Pair up with another single pal and survey his or her company's assets. These events are social, and as an added bonus, you know everybody there is employed. Your insider buddy can act as your tour guide to help you avoid the guy who sticks paperclips up his nose or the weirdo with fifty-nine cats.4) Marianne Williamson, Meet Wayne DyerIf you're looking to meet men over 40 who are as interested in self-growth as you are then attend lectures, conferences, and seminars by spiritual and self-development leaders. This can be a great place to meet someone and hang out with a bunch of men who're actively seeking to live a more positive, meaningful, inspired life. Weekend conferences are best if you're hoping to meet other people, because they offer more chances to socialize than daylong seminars provide. If the conference feels too pricey, contact the organization to and see if there's a way you can work at the event in exchange for free admission.Yes, the crowd will be 70 percent women, but the men will be good ones.

5) Power Drills and Other Flirting Tools

Most cities have philanthropic singles organizations, and whether a group attracts young singles or mature singles depends on the city and the group. The best part of meeting people through volunteer work is that you help make the world a better place and meet a lot of like-minded eligible men at the same time. (Besides, helping others gives you good dating karma.) If there are no volunteer groups in your area catering specifically to singles, check out Habitat for Humanity, habitat.org. It's a great way to meet people of all ages, and you get to spend the day in the sunshine using power tools. What could be better?

This article is excerpted from my brand new book, "How to Date Like a Grown-Up." If you follow my advice in this article and in my book, you might just get lucky, find the man of your dreams and get married – even if you're in your 40's, 50's and beyond!

definitons of cougar from young men!

jeezh- sound like being a cougar is actually the best compliment some women can get- if you like young guys that is-----maybe I am missing out on something!
Cougar

An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together.

That cougar I met last night, showed me shit I didn't know existed, I'm goin back for more.

2. Cougar

(see also hunt, prowl, corner, pounce). Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities)waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey"
Millions of them. More famously, Demi and Ashton, Naomi Watts and Heath Ledger, Joan Collins and her hubby, Cameron and Justin, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins
by Christina Marie Mar 10, 2004

3. cougar

An attractive woman in her 30's or 40's who is on the hunt once again. She may be found in the usual hunting grounds: nightclubs, bars, beaches, etc. She will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their early twenties participate in. End state, she will be going for the kill, just like you. Associated with milfs
I bagged a cougar last night at the club.
older women milfs sex in the city cougers perfect by baroni Apr 16, 2006 share this add comment

4. Cougar

A woman in her sexual prime who prefers to hunt rather than be hunted. A cougar's victims are usually under 25, as cougars prefer to mate with men who still have hair. Cougars generally feed and then continue hunting, as they enjoy role reversal.
by rberg Nov 5, 2003

5. Cougar

A Cougar is a female, usually between thirty and fifty years-old, who enjoys the sexual company of younger men. Cougars are only usually interested in men under the age of twenty-five. Also, Cougars are non-committal, choosing to move from mate to mate without ever settling down. It is not uncommon for the same Cougar to attack (sleep with) many different men in the same group of friends. Furthermore, Cougars are older and more practiced in the ways of snaring a mate so they will rarely broadcast their intentions to sleep with you until you are already in her Jetta, headed for the condo she just bought. It is this elusive behavior that earns her the name “Cougar.”

"Hey Jerry, I'm about to go buy this girl a drink, want to come along? I think she has a friend next to her" "Naw, theres a cougar in the corner that seems to be stalking me, I'm going to hold out for her"

6. Cougar


Coo-gher. An older woman who's primary interest lies in bedding younger men. Often, but not necessarily, with money; cougars are the more aggressive variety of the commonly used term: milf.
I think that cougar just grabbed my ass!

7. Cougar

A woman who is 35+, sexually cunning, that prefers to hunt rather than be hunted.
There seems to be a lot of Cougars stalking prey at the beach today

Cougars and younger men

*Editor’s note: Names of some of the interviewees have been changed for privacy.

Annette Wheeler* didn’t recall the exact moment she first heard the term “cougar,” but she did remember dashing to her computer to look it up. To her shock and bemusement, there was a new term to describe what she had been doing most of her life—dating younger men.

Wheeler, a fiery redhead who lives outside Baltimore, leaned back in her chair and sighed. “I adore younger men,” the 60-year-old purred. “I liked younger guys even when I was in high school—like a year or two younger. I was a cougar before there were cougars.”

Indeed, Wheeler’s pre-marriage and post-divorce dating history reads like a steamy screenplay. She listed a string of young men with whom she had various relationships, occasionally punching numbers into a calculator to determine age differences she had never considered in the first place. She never analyzed her attraction to younger men (or their attraction to her), but with “cougar” an increasingly popular term used to describe older women dating significantly younger men, her longtime preference is suddenly in the spotlight.
For Wheeler and other women like her, younger men—many of them 15 years or more their juniors—are a natural fit. Boomer women are looking and feeling better than ever. Widowed, separated, or divorced, a growing number seek young men for dating and companionship. And since men have been dating younger women for ages, why are so many of us surprised—shocked, even—that women would follow suit?

* * *Valerie Gibson, author of “Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men,” is all too familiar with this double standard. The self-proclaimed cougar wrote her first book on the topic—“Younger Men: How to Find Them, Date Them, Mate Them, and Marry Them”—14 years ago, “and let me tell you something,” she said in a whisper. “It caused an awful stir—and not a good one. People were horrified. They were absolutely horrified that older women should be having sex with younger men.”

When many of us think “cougar,” we picture the ultimate cougar of the big screen: The Graduate’s legendary, martini-sipping Mrs. Robinson. These days, real-life cougars are stars like Demi Moore (who, in her 40s, married then-twenty-something heartthrob Ashton Kutcher), the coiffed reality-show cast of The Real Housewives of Orange County, and, yes, everyday women—suburbanites and city-slickers alike.While there’s no denying that cougars are slinking into the mainstream, there’s still an element of taboo surrounding these age-spanning relationships.

“It’s definitely considered creepier for women to go out with younger men,” admitted Junie Smith*, a 52-year-old cougar who lives on Manhattan’s Lower East Side. “For a 70-year-old guy to go out with a 40-year-old woman, as opposed to a 70-year-old woman going out with a 40-year-old guy? A 70-year-old woman going out with a 40-year-old guy is considered creepy.”Why the double standard? Smith figured it comes down to science: “It probably has something to do with the concentration of the species on procreation,” she quipped.

All scientific notions aside, older women opt for younger men for the same reasons that older men select younger women.“The mentality of having a youthful person on your arm who makes you feel good, who makes you feel ageless, makes you feel desired and desirable,” Gibson said. Statistics compiled by AARP The Magazine back up the trend.A whopping 34 percent of women over 40 are dating younger men, according to a 2003 survey. The same poll, which surveyed 3,500 single people (both women and men) aged 40 to 69 year old found that 56 percent are currently separated or divorced from a spouse, 31 percent have never been married, and seven in 10 (74 percent) of formerly married singles in their 50s have been single for five years or more.The study stated that the divorce rate now, compared to when cougars were married some 25 years ago, has contributed to the amount of single, 50+ women, said to be “on the prowl” in today’s dating pool.

* * *For Wheeler, younger men have been a natural fit for an energetic lifestyle that her male peers have never quite matched.“I can’t explain why, but I’ve always been,” she said, pausing. “Without even knowing someone’s age, you can be sure I’m going to gravitate toward the younger guy. And I don’t know if it’s a function of I’m attracted to younger guys or younger guys are attracted to me. It’s just their energy, their enthusiasm” and—the biggie—“less baggage.”

In fact, the stuff of the past may be what keeps her from dating men closer to her age altogether. That and music, of course.“They’re always going on and on about their exes and the kids,” she said of her male peers. “The baggage, the baggage, is the main thing. And being stuck in the music they listened to in college. I want to know what’s new. I want to hear what’s new. Younger guys seem to have more to contribute to my life, and they’re just adorable.”The AARP study concludes that the No. 1 complaint from both single men and single women—42 percent and 35 percent, respectively—dating in their 50s was the history a partner of the same age carried into a relationship.Men, of course, have their reasons for dating older women, too. In the fast-paced world of Los Angeles, “dating” may mean going out a few times or spending just one night together.
“This isn’t about dating,” said Kevin Mercer* candidly. The 27-year-old works in L.A.’s entertainment industry and isn’t shy discussing his city’s cougar phenomenon. “It’s a total transactional situation.”And that works out just fine for these young men, who often prefer relationships—whether fleeting or long-term—with cougars.

“These older women are confident, sexually mature, they don’t have inhibitions, they know what they like, and they know what they want,” said Nancy D. O’Reilly, clinical psychologist, researcher, author and host of Voice America’s radio program “Timeless WomenSpeak.”

Cougars are independent, career-oriented women who have a been-there-done-that attitude towards marriage and “don’t need anyone to take care of them,” she said. “They’re looking for companionship, sexual contact, and someone good to talk to and spend time with. So be it if the relationship goes further.”

* * *While women aren’t exactly shouting their cougar status from the rooftops (“Women never want to be called a “cougar,” because it implies they’re older,” Mercer explained nonchalantly), men aren’t shy about their relationships with older women. On the contrary, they’ll even boast about them, wearing them, in the words of Mercer, “as a badge of honor.”According to Gibson, young men are driving the trend, sometimes even calling themselves “cougar hunters” when they’re out on the town looking for sexy older women.

“Younger men have no problem whatsoever in approaching an older woman who’s single or obviously not wearing a wedding ring anyway,” she said. “They don’t mind at all what age she is as long as she’s vital and gorgeous or something attracts them. Young men have no fear now of being put down by their peers when there’s cougars like Demi Moore and all these beautiful women around, and they say, ‘My gosh, I would love to bed her!

”Smith has found young men to be quite enthusiastic about spending time with her, and she definitely enjoys the attention. After all, she has worked hard for it, with ample sessions of yoga, calculated vitamin concoctions, a good diet, and even a little Botox here and there. And while she’s not thrilled with the term “cougar” (“slightly dangerous and prone to wearing animal-print clothes,” was her initial cougar visual), she’s certainly not changing her dating habits anytime soon. Wheeler isn’t either, but she’s warming up to the term—slowly.“It’s silly,” she said laughing. “But I use it. I use it now.”

cougars men club-

Real Cougar Men's Club - good guys don't finish last - boring guys do!
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December 15, 7:32 AM
by Linda Franklin, Real Cougar Lifestyle Examiner
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You've asked for it - now it's here. Real Cougar Men's Club. It's a special place where men who love and adore Real Cougar Woman will learn everything they need to know to capture their hearts.
Over the last year I have received so many requests from men wanting to join The Real Cougar Club. Of course that couldn't happen because that club is for women only. But now all you guys between the ages of 28 and 49 have your own special place.
The cougar relationship is a hot commodity, but too many men just aren't up for the challenge that a confident, smart, sexy,independent woman over 40 presents. That's why we are offering The Charm School for Guys to members. In addition,all graduates of Charm School are eligible to be included in our "Elite Introduction Service". To see all the wonderful benefits of joining go to Real Cougar Men's Club and sign up. You'll be glad you did.
I am really excited about this latest venture. Ladies, imagine having a guy in your life who has learned what it takes to make your heart sing. That's what they will learn in Charm School. And, the best part is you are going to have the opportunity to meet all these fellas - so stay tuned. I will keep you posted on their progress.
Topics: Relationships , Men , Cougars , Clubs

Definition of a COUGAR

What is a Real Cougar? She is style, she is grace, she is smart, she is a leader. She has worked hard, learned a lot and excelled at whatever she chose to do. She doesn’t ever have to apologize for being successful – she has earned her stripes.

“Real Cougars” are business women, and they are wives and mothers. A “Real Cougar” is not defined by a band on her finger, it’s her attitude about life. She is a woman who is constantly looking for new opportunities and knows how to get what she wants. Sometimes things don’t work out exactly as she plans, but she grows from each and every experience.

In folklore a cougar quietly take control of a situation. Sometimes this can lead to conflict with others over territory. A cougar is associated with leadership and teaches decisiveness in the use of personal power.

True leadership through gentle assertiveness is what cougar teaches those with this totem. Cougar people are often very sure of themselves, not taking any unnecessary steps or exerting any extra energy beyond what is required of them to achieve their goal. Most cougars learn by trial and error, which strengthens them and hones their skills.

A cougar will leap at opportunities. They take control of their lives and circumstances most effectively.

5 Components of a Real Cougar

Health & Wellness:

A Real Cougar Cougar knows that feeling good is the most important thing. Her body is changing each decade. It's her responsibility to keep it running at full capacity.

Beauty:

A Real Cougar doesn’t want to look 25. However she understands the importance of looking sexy and fabulous for the age she happens to be.

Relationships:

A Real Cougar knows that relationships are difficult to maintain. What’s interesting about being over 40 is your priorities change. Now it’s time to focus in on what you really want and stop pleasing everyone else.

Financial Freedom:

A Real Cougar knows the importance of being financially independent. Without that you never feel completely secure.

Mindset:

A Real Cougar knows how important it is to have a mindset that's programmed for success. Knowing how to tap into her spirit and her intuition is essential.

Aging is inevitable – how you age is always your choice!

men over 40

Men over 40, start 'monkeying' around
By Steve Penner

If one were to believe the way the media portrays dating patterns between men and women, one would think that men over 40 are only interested in women much younger than themselves.
Whether it be movies, television shows, or even commercials, these men are always depicted as chasing after (and often catching) women barely half their age.
This is where I usually insert a few pop culture references of "Michael Douglas"-like examples, but for once I'll leave it up to you the readers to think of really good ones. E-mail me (pennerst@hotmail.com) your most outrageous examples of older men being cast opposite women who should be playing their daughters, and I may include them in my next column.
I will admit that at the dating service I ran for 23 years, many men, especially the never-married ones, often did request meeting women a decade or two younger than themselves.
However, a recent article came across my desk (OK, my wife tore it out of her Science News magazine and forced me to read it) that got me thinking.
Titled "Age Becomes Her: Male Chimpanzees Favor Old Females as Mates," the article detailed a study, conducted by anthropologist Martin Muller of Boston University, of the Ugandan chimp community from 1996 to 2003. The study states that male chimps prefer older females "because of their demonstrated success at surviving and, in most cases, raising offspring."
It further says that "Male chimps mated substantially more often with females age 30 or older than they did with younger females "¦ even the oldest female, at roughly 55 years of age, attracted markedly more male interest than did young adult females ..."
Now one could ask what relevance that study has to dating among humans. Well, a few days after reading that article, two different friends coincidentally sent me via e-mail an amusing but poignant article written by "60 Minutes" curmudgeon Andy Rooney, detailing why men should prefer women over 40.
Here are a few of Rooney's more pertinent reasons:

"A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think."

"If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting."

"Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you "¦ in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it."

"Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart."

"Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her."

Thinking back to the age range requests at my dating service, I can definitely state that there was a direct correlation between many men's level of experience with women and their desire to meet younger, or even much younger women.
That is the less experienced men, who had never been in a long-term relationship, were the ones who most frequently asked (and often pleaded) to meet women 10-25 years younger than themselves. Often I interviewed men who were very bright but somewhat socially inept. They rationalized (in a sort of bizarre way) that their lack of dating experience would "fit" with younger women, because being younger, they would be less experienced, and therefore not notice what dweebs these guys were.

Another group of men who always requested meeting much younger women was the "player" type. They had spent their dating lives hopscotching from one brief relationship to another. Now, when they had finally decided they were ready to settle down, they were not seeking a partner, but rather the classic "trophy wife" to parade before friends and business associates.

In both cases, these were men whose social immaturity was easy to identify.

But the more experienced and "wiser" men over 40 who I interviewed, that is men who had been previously married and were either divorced, widowed, or who at least had lived with a woman for a number of years, tended to request meeting women close to their own age, or even in some cases, women older than themselves!
Yes these aware, intelligent, sensitive men, who had grown emotionally and psychologically, had ultimately evolved to match the maturity of the Ugandan chimpanzees!
Good for them.
Steve Penner was the owner of the Boston-based dating service LunchDates for nearly 23 years and interviewed and listened to feedback from thousands of single men and women from all over New England. "The Truth About Dating" reflects insights and observations based upon his experience. Penner welcomes feedback at pennerst@hotmail.com or through his Web site at http://www.thetruthaboutdating.com/.

Ah French women and men

Once again, this sexist ideal of women has popped its' ugly head up!
What is it with men- when they are young they want casual sex- when they are old they want casual sex---- then they run down the women providing said casual sex!
UGH!
In France- it is very common for both men and women to have lovers, many women 'of a certain age' have younger lovers ( for obvious reasons) and all is well.
Here, we have that rather vulgar term 'cougar' ( which no-one has actually been able to come with a description that is consistant) and over the seas women are allowed, encouraged to be sexual, vibrant and enchanting at any age!
This side of the ocean- you are hassled if you are an old maid- and riducled if you are sexual over 40!
Jeez- guys get it together!
Perhaps this is simply an extension of the old joke--- " what is the difference between a bitch and a slut?"
A bitch sleeps with everyone- a slut sleeps with everyone but you.
Ah--- once again grateful I am single- but I do feel like a voyeur in my friend's lives!