Loser at mid-life?

Lately, like I am sure many of you, I am feeling like a loser.
When I was young I had a great job, made piles of money and thought the future would hold greater 'paydays' and a challenging and interesting career.
I would wear better suits, travel more places, live in a nicer house and have more money in the bank. People would see my 'success' and say "Wow, did she ever do good for herself".
Yes, people may even be jealous.
Then life happened.... I had the opportunity to stay home for a few years when my son was eight (I had been a single working mom up till then- granted with a live in nanny and all) It would mean cutting back- but the chance to be home with my son for the first time, and a chance to try the mommy 'wife' deal.
I took it-- at a huge price! The guy was not so nice.
My son loved having me at home- then I took a little job that I could work at home my own hours selling drapery.
"Why are you doing that?You are much too smart to be decorating peoples homes." A friend exclaimed in horror.
"I need a break and it is fun"
Well that lasted far too long, the child became a troubled teenager even with my constant attention (he was ADHD- one of the reasons I did want to stay home was to guide him the best I could)
Got rid of the husband
Then, my son had a horrible accident where I 'choose' to take care of him. He had to learn how to talk, walk, eat, use the washroom all over again... it was another few rough years.
Meanwhile the little business I had started, that was just getting off the ground- grounded to a halt because I was not working my business- I was taking care of my son.
I was not there the first time. I did not hear his first words, watch his first steps... his nanny did.
This time- I fed him- once he was off the feeding tube, I was there when he said his first words, I was there this time.
So, now- after this crazy journey of life. I do not have money in the bank, my once paid for house has a line of credit, I have not shopped for any clothes for years (never mind fancy stuff) and am working a very low paying job at the city. Guess I should be happy to have any job now.
BUT- when I run across the people that seem to of navigated this world with success I feel like a loser!
My son and family do not think I am - I ended being successful at the one thing that I really never dreampt (is that a word?) about- being a terrific mom.
Does that make me a loser- being a good mother- but broke?
Does not being a financial success govern how other people see you? ( I think so)
What is next?
I want another chance at life- I want energy and optimism to try to reach some of my goals but my old tired body somehow does not want to support me.....
What do you think?
What is a loser/winner in life?
Can and does anybody have it -or get it all?
(If they do can we hunt them down and shot them?- This is a joke!)

Okay-

If Michael Jackson can die at 50--- (still having such a problem he actually was 50- which means we are old) and Princess Diana can get killed in a car accident with a drunk driver-- anything can happen to us poor mere mortals.

Time to get off the pot- the pity pot- the money pot- the lazy pot- whichever pot you are sitting on and get some of the things you want from life done!

My List of the 50 things to do before I die---not necessarily in order

1) Romantic weekend in Quebec City (yes- this actually involves a man- so perhaps find a man for Quebec City should be before this )
2) Write a novel
3) San Francisco long weekend ( yup-never been want to eat- shop )
4) One week in New York- ( I am sure multiple trips should be in order- but I will start with one)
5) Cuba with my son ( his love of baseball will lead him to the small towns and my love of jazz and 'coolness' will let us stay some time in Havana--
6) Learn French
7) Buy something from a Paris flea market in French
8) Learn Spanish
9) Live in Mexico
10) Paint pictures
11) Fall in love - (again- or for the first time? not sure on this- know I have never been in love with a man that loves me- at the same time---hmmmmmm)
12) Write another novel
13) Stay (get) in shape
14) Be kind, laugh and love everyday
15) Garden more and better
16) Cooking school in the south of France
17) Cooking school in Italy
18) Hike around Nepal
19) One month tour of India ( ah the food, the fabric, the jewels, the architecture)
20)Safari
21) Love freely (no this is not a reference to cheap sex)
22)Be happy
23) Luxury car- Benz, Lexus, Beemer
24) Gold Rolex (long story from my childhood on this one)
25) Artist proof of Chanel #5 by Warhol
26) Lichtenstein art
27) LV makeup case
28) Black Chanel Chain bag
29) any Hermes bag- used, re-used, new -freshly ordered
30) Thailand
31) China
32) Live in at least one house that is finally decorated!
33) an extra in a movie
34) Live in my retrofitted train containers and be a hobo.
35).........................

MIchael Jackson

I know and sorry but I just cant help myself... I am not sure what is more shocking to me _ that Michael was addicted to drugs (yes, honestly I was surprised) or the brutal reality he was 50!
WHAT--- how the heck did Michael Jackson become 50? You know what that means?

That means we are all OLD! If pop-stars like Michael get to be 50- and we have followed him most of our lives- gosh darn and other words- we are old!

I know this is drivel- but still that is what is getting to me the most- Micheal Jackson was 50!

Davina!

Finally- I got her off the couch (or wherever she lays around) and onto the computer!
Check her out on 'whoreinprivate'--- adult only content!
May give you something to think about other than the money!
Remember adult only content and enter with your mind open. She is a lady but will not tolerate or even engage in abuse or crude comments- there are other places on the net you can indulge in that sort of talk.
Also all comments are being monitered so it may take awhile to view your comment.
(Just trying this new concept and hoping we are all adults here- if it does not work- well bye bye little Ms. Dominatrix)

What are we saving and working for?

In this fast paced world- and with the decline of our 'investments' (those of you that have them)... we suddenly have been faced with the concept "I am not worth as much as I was".
What really does this mean? Does it mean suddenly you are not 'worth as much as your neighbour'?

Does our worth as people really mean that we only worth as much as we have money?
We have all heard the saying "He is the riched man in the graveyard'. Okay so what?

I think we all want to enjoy the security of knowing we will eat, have a roof over our heads and leave something(s) to our heirs.

How-ever, how much do our heirs need?

This is different for everyone and based on the needs of the hiers.

Obviously, if we have young children they are going to need more 'means' left to them to assist them or their guardians in the care of them (in the style we want them to have) for more years than if the heirs are adults.

Again, this is different for everyone. Someone like myself with a child that has suffered incredible odds to only now have a chance in life-- I want to be able alive or dead- be able to still help him become an achieving self supporting adult. For me that means insuring he has an education... and hopefully one he does not have to pay for the rest of his life.

For others, why are you saving everything. I can tell you from experience once you hit a certain age your million dollar mansions will not be places you will be able to live in.
Having enough money for a new Benz will not entice you.

Living life- experiencing life, traveling, these things are only available to our aging bodies for a short period of time. Once you become old, ill and infirm you will not want to leave your home or your 'old age suite'.

So balance- live some, eat the best chocolate ( sorry there I go again)....... travel. The kids do not need it all--- and if you save too much-- you will miss the chance!

Finances over 50!

Great idea- thanks Vito!
This is not my area- trust me anyone knows that me and money do not like each other very much! Every time I have any- I do anything I can to get rid of it!
However, on a more serious note... what do we do now?
Many of us have lost a well-paying position... many of us have 'careers' that no longer work in the new 'business world'... we are 'redundant' as the British say.

Our nest egg is deleted-- and that is the ones that had a nest egg!
I had a nest egg years ago- and fully paid house, then the unexpected happened! My son had a serious brain injury, I did not 'work' my business to take care of him, there-fore did not make any money, spent what I had and almost declared bankruptcy!

So, life happens (son is doing very well and it was all worth it).
I have now more experience than many of you with poverty living--- I like to be ahead of the trends!

This will be an interesting time for many. Lots of folks have gotten into the habit of judging potential mates based on their wallet (I have not had this problem for years- the 'good' guys did not seem interested in an almost bankrupt middle-aged woman that gave everything up to help her brain-injured kid recover)

See, I know! Men like women that have as much cash as themselves- esp. as they get older. Not to worry- women want men that have more cash than themselves as they get older. The scales are still 'balanced' here.

So, now we get to have all sorts of new opportunities, find new careers, find new ways to live- discover new values!

Please folks if you have great financial ideas, creative ways to stretch a dollar, invest -please step in here! Like I said me and money have not had a great long-term relationship! I always find ways to get rid of it!

PS= I KNOW some of you guys reading my blog have financial experience- please care to share?

My long term plan- as my family knows- is to sell everything- retro fix a few train containers and move to Mexico! Paint, ride a bike into the village, learn spanish, live like a boho----!

Men having women friends

Okay guys, we have done enough female bashing on this issue.
Question for you...
How come you never hear the same complaints from women?

"He only wants to be my friend?"

Cause, men will 'do' just about anyone- that is why. Then the girl gets left with a broken heart and the guy moves on.

But- you guys are giving us girls such a hard time if we only want to be friends. That, I think is not the real issue- I think the real issue is.... You guys get pissed when the girl won't put out for you!

She is putting out for other guys or guy - but not you.

Most of the time, I am betting here- you don't really want her anyway for the long haul. You are just pissed cause you are not gonna get any action from her and your 'masculine feelings are being kept in control by a 'girl'.

I think that is the real issue---.

So, who is the bigger 'dog'... the girls who are not interested in you and are honest-- or the guys that just want to notch their belt and are being shut out. Honestly- you mostly just want the notch- not the girl.

Okay another theory- from a woman's point of view

http://collegecandy.com/2008/08/02/why-%e2%80%9ci-don%e2%80%99t-think-of-you-in-that-way%e2%80%9d-is-so-damn-complicated/http://

well kinda a woman's point of view-it seems she is still in college------ so maybe a mature- mature student.
However--- or I guess I should say "Whatever dude, we still think the same way"

OKay the link did not work- complete with the very hot very young man--- gosh I feel like an old pervie!

I have had, on multiple occasions, the uncomfortable conversation that always ends with the words “I don’t think of you in that way.” I have sat down with many a guy friend to clarify that we’re just friends. I have explained to guys numerous times that I like to keep my friendships and my relationships separate, and that I don’t date my friends. I always mean it when I say it. I always want to stick to it. But the line between friendships and relationships always seems to blur in my confused little world. Why is “I don’t think of you in that way” so hard for me to say?
There have been several occasions this year where I have had to have this conversation. What troubles me the most is that I can’t seem to avoid it. I’m a huge flirt, especially when I’ve had too many whiskey sours, so I can understand why some guys might get the wrong idea and think I’m interested in more than just a shoulder to rest my head on when the room starts to get spinny. But even with guys I don’t get super flirty with, I still have to have the conversation. It’s always approached one of two ways:


The first is a situation in which I have heavily flirted with, or mildly hooked-up with, a guy friend and I have to explain to him that this doesn’t mean we’re meant to settle down, get married, and procreate. The second situation, and the more annoying one because it’s unavoidable is the, “How come we never hooked up?” conversation.


I’d like to clarify my position on this friendship/friends with benefits/relationship conundrum once and for all. Guys, listen up.

First things first –– we never hooked up because I never wanted to. You’re not my type. Get over it.

Second, “The Ladder” theory is absolute bullsh*t. I’ve had many guy friends point me toward this folk psychology explanation of how men and women rank potential friends and lovers. It’s bull. According to the theory, guys place women hierarchically on a ladder ranking them potential lover or potential friend, judging their sexual desirability first, as in, “She’s hot, but not Jessica Alba hot, I give her a 7.”


Women, reversely, place men they meet on one of two ladders: a “Potential” ladder, for those they might sleep with, and a “Never” ladder, for those they just want to be friends with. I can tell you definitively right now that girls do not think this way. When we meet a guy we don’t immediately categorize him as a potential anything. And when girls say, “I just think of you as a friend,” what we’re really saying is, “I don’t find you attractive.” We’re just trying to spare your feelings.

There, I said it.

When I flirt with you, it’s because I enjoy flirting, not because I’m in love with you. When I hook-up with you, it’s because I want to hook-up with you, not because I’m in love with you and want to have your babies. It’s really that easy.

What it takes to get me to commit to a relationship is a lot more complicated now than it was when I was in school. Back then if I met a guy whom I was attracted to and who had at least one or two good personality traits (could make me laugh, was smart, wrote pretty poetry) that was enough to make me want to label him my “boyfriend.” Not so much anymore. A bad relationship can be a great learning experience. I’ve had several bad relationships. I’ve learnt enough. So when I say that I just want to be friends, it’s because I think we’d have a “learn something” relationship. I’m an adult now, I don’t have time to learn things, I’m just trying to pay my rent.
That being said, just because I want to be friends right now doesn’t mean I won’t change my mind later. I had the unfortunate experience this year of realizing that I had feelings for a guy friend way too late in our relationship. I had my window to turn our friends-with-benefits situation into a relationship, I decided that I wasn’t into him in a boyfriend way, and I passed on the opportunity. Months later, I realized I was in love with him and it was way too late. Needless to say, we’re not friends anymore. I got my heart broken and I broke it all by myself.
“I don’t think of you in that way” is, more often than not, a lie. That’s like a guy denying he’s though about having sex with his female friends. Of course he has. He probably thinks about it all the time. I’ve considered different dating possibilities among my friends, even when we’ve been friends for a while, and, yeah, I’ve thought about what my guy friends would be like in bed. (Guys, you’re not the only ones with dirty minds!)

So, guys, here’s the deal, the next time I say to you, “I don’t think of you in that way,” I mean one of two things:

A. I’m not physically attracted to you. But I’d still love it if we could hang out.

B. I care about you deeply as a friend and I’m too mature to f*ck that up by trying to date you for a couple of weeks and then have it not work out. But you might want to check back in a few months because maybe I’ll change my mind.

It’s up to you to figure out if you’re a group A guy or group B guy.

another view on Ladder Theory by Intellectual Whores

Intellectual Whores
The Ladder Theory is one of my favorite theories of all time simply due to the sheer patheticness of it all. Basically, you've got guys who strike out with women so badly they rationalize it by saying "all women are stupid slut bitches and I'm a nice guy" and they call that a theory. I call it really sad.

And nice guys! Moving on down the ladder- ladies

Women do want nice guys- guys that are nice to them- but can do 'damage' to other folks either through financial power or physical power! BUT, the guy in question must be nice to her!
Private chat with 3 girls last week, one with a truly nice husband who lets her have everything she wants--- hmmmmmmm young cute wife agreed when I said we respect them more when they make us'earn' our goodies! So, we get what we want and he keeps his gonads where they should be and tightly controlled in our manicured hand complete with very long fake nails that truly can control a man very easily when the nails are used properly.

In saying that- a 'man' wants a girl he will give things to if she knows this power rule as well.

We all respect and long over someone up on the ladder - so we must place ourselves there and once there keep our spot..... some hints on how to do that from Davina.

Both sexes like to play the upper-hand game- you just have to know which podium to put yourself on so you can seem admired by many-. And which podium he is on-- so you can keep yourself and him in a touch of reality........ HINT- if he thinks he is gorgeous- agree. He is just not a gorgeous as the guy that makes you coffee at Starbucks. If he thinks he is rich- he maybe is just not a rich as 'so and so'........

again more on that latter.

Also, sorry to both over 40 sexes- While the over 40 man with money can still afford the young hottie (cause the cost of keeping a more valuable older hottie could seriously dent his bankroll), your rank,as an older hottie (with maintenance issues) does not place you as high on his ladder as it once did. Older single (female) hotties will find it hard to attract the rich(male) hotties they could when they were younger.

Women---if you did have rich men on your good ladder--- it will be harder for you to find agreement with rich (male) hotties that are available to you now! They will not be as rich--- and then you know you have come down in value too..........ouchy!

Ladder Theory

Okay, now we have the men's concept of the ratings women have for men.
Where is the rating system men have for women?
What puts one woman on the 'I just want to fuck ladder'. The I want to fuck and date but not marry... the I want to fuck date and maybe marry?
I mean we all see 'skanks' with 'nice' men and sometimes they even marry the 'skanks'-- then we see the prudes with hot guys and they too married them.
Then we see the 'nice' girls that never marry and only find guys that to want fuck them----
come on guys help with this one.
My real question is why do some 'skanks' get the good men- and nice girls don't. This is the question that pisses us women off!

ah outlaw bikers and rich men

Yup. I can attest- the 'love of my life' was an arrogant, dynamic, barrel chested man that strangely enough was filthy rich- due to family -- and an interest in 'outlaw' biker gangs! He matched pretty much everything the ladder theory is saying.
Me-- well he was interested for a bit- then I did the unforgivable--- and let him know I thought he was 'hot'.
I had scored many points when I was gibbitizing with him, was not interested in his way over the top demeaner and such....... maybe having too much wine was also my downfall.
Ahh what I would not give to gibbitz with him again! This time on solid footing and knowing that truly he is not the kind of man that would of made my life wonderful.
However- body guards, drivers and custom Benzes, men with letters on leather jackets- far too many Harleys---- and a man that 'appears' to want YOU from all the women at his feet- is an incredible turn on.

The ladder theory!

Too funny and thanks poster.
This does remind me of an outing I had last night and some recent forays into the damning series of "Real Housewives of OC/New York, etc"
At a recent fund-raiser, where 'nice' girls were aplenty- two of the females stood out.
I dubbed them the "Real Housewives of Red Deer." Complete with far too tight clothes, they looked like overstuffed sausages just waiting to be poked - ah they were!
The hair was held up with far too much hairspray ala the 80's, bleached and yes even permed. The tits were held up like a buffet table to just under their chins, flashy light reflecting pants, shiny belts, far too much hairspray-- and the 3,000 bags. Yes, the bags had the bags!
Man was I miffed- who ever said being a trashing whore does not pay! It sure looked like it paid for them!
Then we get into the bio's of the skanks on the Real series, many of them former pole dancers, charged with various crimes and living in the luxury homes. Thank god I got a virtual tour of one of the houses- yuk had not been redone since the faux chateaux was built in the 80's and Hugh Hefner would of approved of the decor.
So, all is not all well in the lives of hoes- and now I can relax knowing that they too still are not living the dream.

check it out by googling and choose your own links
The ladder theory

end of cool comments and articles on the globe and mail

Guys and ladies- now that the Globe has changed direction-- and everything in life section is about having babies- and us oldies have been kicked out we need a new place to rant and rave!
Well, here it is. Please send me via comments your ideas on blog articles. I know you are out there cause we have had some good chats on the globe and here!
So, I know of a few.
1)I have a male friend going through a divorce where he has been accused of the 'bad thing'... how can a woman do this without proof?

2) If you know of a wife or husband that has spent years not being an active spouse, parent at what time is a divorce 'called for'?

3) What is that men/women really want in a partner?

4) Why when I hit 50 do I think that that is when I might be ready to 'surrender' and think seriously of sharing my 'space' with a man?

5) What do men go through at mid-life?

6) What do women go through at mid-life?

7) What do we want the rest of our lives to hold?