Just dating after forty-thanks lavalife for the tip

This Girl Just Wants to Have Fun


I'm dating several guys right now... Do I have to tell them? Or am I safe at least till I'm exclusive with someone? I'm new to dating. I was married and am now getting back out there. What's the etiquette?
-- Stacey

Kelly Says:
It's refreshing to hear from someone who's jumping back into the dating pool after marriage and doesn't need a life jacket. This is hot stuff, Stacey. If all these dudes know you're in it for the fun, and if your feelings wouldn't be hurt if you found out they were also dating multiple singles, then there's no harm done in carrying on your merry way until you decide to go exclusive. Frankly, it's probably your easygoing, open attitude about simply wanting to have a good time (and not harping on finding The One in each date) that's attracting all the testosterone in the first place.

Brent Says:
Stacey, you naughty minx. There's nothing wrong with dating several guys at once although it definitely increases the risk of awkward coffee shop run-ins. The only time you shouldn't be dating more than one person is when you are in an exclusive relationship. The problem is knowing when you have crossed the line. Short of wearing his school football jacket asking him to go steady, you really have to feel it out because the lines are different for everyone. Usually, if you've been dating regularly for more than a couple of months, there is an implication of exclusivity. Another sign: when the weekend date becomes assumed. But there are so many signs that if you're not sure it's best just to state your intentions outright. Either, "I'm not interested in an exclusive relationship," or the famous, "I just want to keep things casual/let's not move too fast" speech.

ah dating on the 'cheap'

It will be interesting to see what happens due to the global economy.
Many men I know rate themselves on their wallet- and many women rate men on their wallets as well.
Perhaps, it will now become more important for men to be fun, sharing, kind and generally easy to be around then how much money they make....
On what men are looking for- I do wonder if the lack of money will make men any more generous with women-- for example now that the 'big boys' have lost a large portion of their money will they still insist on expecting perfection from the women out there?
Just wondering- any ideas are wanted--

when is it time to decide if you are interested?

Okay, when out 'dating' when is the right time to decide when someone is not right for you?
It would seem from some of the comments on this blog and men I have spoken with about this is right away--- it seems men seem to know 'right away if they want to do a woman.' So that is the reason they would ask a woman out again.
Back to school again.
I guess many women agree- BUT that is just to have sex--- it does take longer to decide if someone is a person you want a relationship with and that takes time.
So, women I guess should not go out for a second cup of coffee with men unless they are attracted physically--- and if you are attracted to him- but not sure if you want a relationship with him you should NOT go for a second cup of coffee as he will think then you 'want to do him.'
Jessh- boy am I glad I am single- thought the sexes were closer than this!
Cause if you don't want to meet him in private after the first cup of coffee in public ( and you do not know who this person and have never met him before- do not worry about your safety- just agree to meet him in private anyway-- JEESH--- isn't this what happened to a man that met a 'woman' in her garage and got cut up?)
aughhhh-- I think if a man is not interested in how you feel and your sense of safety he is not worth having a second cup of coffee with- cute or not!

hey- just an idea

Maybe.... just maybe.... women are looking for a great guy to hang out with- then when they find good companionship they want an intimate relationship.
Maybe- most guys still just want casual sex- that is why so many men go for the younger women that still just want sex first and relationship second.
just an idea

interesting comment

A recent comment stated that if a woman sees a man three times- she is a tease if she does not consider this a 'relationship'. Have we really slid that far apart from either sex?
Most women I know- and most men still consider the third 'date' as a look see- and consider it okay if you get to the third date.
For the record- comment-- please do not assume that all that is written here is first person--or even related to the same men in the rest of the article-- sometimes I just vent about a few issues at once--.
So having said that- there is something to say about the few gentlemen that still do understand that just because you 'of this middle-age' you still may wish to be treated like a lady- and they are willing to spoil, and pamper and become friends before they assume any other intentions. Also- there are still the ladies that prefer to simply have a fun good time- do not really wish to get to know you too well before and will 'hook up' with you on the first and for sure by the 3rd date- but that does not mean either that these women consider you a boyfriend.
It would seem not much has changed since college- there are the 'good girls' the fun girls- the guys that want to be players- and the good guys that want to get to know you and care about you before they consider 'going for it'.
Age does not seem to change all the good ol dating rules---
So- I guess the easiest way to make your way around this is to consider what sort of dater you are and what you are looking for.
first date- and hook up?
2nd coffee and hookup
or looking for the long term get to know each other and 'hook up' when it feels right...... not to worry you will find the right type of date for you as the other ones will simply fall by the wayside---maybe with a few parting shots- but they will fall by the wayside
Happy dating- and remember I am here for your questions and concerns!

ah and on dates

Please can someone explain to me why when a guy takes a girl out for a cup of coffee- at this middle age time- it suddenly seems the guy thinks they have a relationship???
It was a cup of coffee, a glass or two of wine- maybe a dinner- but that makes it dating- not having a serious committed relationship!
Come on guys- you have 'dated' before- that is what it is simply dating.... you and her can see other people, have dinner and drinks with other folks.
You are not having a committed relationship just because you have hung out together or are hanging out together.
This may be news to some of you guys- when you were younger maybe women went out for a drink and then thought you were their boyfriend- not so anymore- now you simply are a guy they went for a drink with.
Also, do not assume you are now their boyfriend- cause you bought them a coffee- do not call at all hours, drop by their house un-announced- expect them to want to meet your friends, actually this behaviour is creepy-------. The lady went for a drink with you--- nothing more!
If you are hanging out- maybe that is all she wants is to 'hang out'- maybe you really did not interest her in the way you wanted--relax- chill and please do not be so needy, clingy, overly-sensitive, possesive, and desperate- You are behaving in the same manner you used to refer to women--- Yuk--- not attractive!

dating

ah- the middle aged man- who complains about us bitter middle-aged women......
It seems to me that the middle aged man is much more desperate to find a woman than the middle aged woman is to find a man......
Guys- if you want a middle-aged woman lets look at a few facts and rules
1) do not meet her for coffee and whine about your ex, your relationship, your sick parents- she is actually looking to have some fun, light lively chatter-- try to act happy.
2) Upon meeting her for coffee remember it is the first time you have taken her out- do not complain about how the 'other women' wanted expensive dinners etc- while you have a $1.20 coffee at Timmies----
3) Jeesh- dating at 40+ is no different than dating at 20- guys you want the girl to like her- treat her like you like her not like she is at the inquisition.
Women- most are not about to jump into bed with you on the first- or even third date... that is simply the way it is.
You have to impress us and give us a reason to see you again-- and that is not made by running down all the other women you have seen, telling us how wonderful you are- or acting as though we are your personal shrinks- leave the shrink work to the shrinks- act nice, friendly and kind with us----
jeesh- we have enough of our own problems - we do not want to hear about yours- try to solve them or feel we are sitting across the table from someone with more problems then we need to add to our lives.
Perhaps lastly- if you have so many problems- save all of us and solve your problems first- get divorced, solve the money problems, get happy before you try to date.
If you want a nice happy girl- be a nice happy guy that she would want to hang out with!

some female venting

This is the first of a few posts coming that hopefully will help some of you guys get some footing in the real world.....
1) Numero uno- this is a big one--- DO NOT EVER GO TO A WOMAN'S HOUSE WITHOUT CALLING FIRST- AND BEING INVITED- EVER!
I do not care what the excuse you use is- NEVER -- this is rude, makes the woman feel creeped out and turns you into a somewhat semi stalker----
EVER- REMEMBER - If you are on fire or dying- go to the fire department or hospital- DO NOT CALL HER- and do not drop by just because you are on fire- dying, in the neighbourhood!
Hmmm- I feel much better now- thanks for letting me vent
The above action will not impress her- make her like/love/ respect you more!
NEVER DROP BY A GIRLS HOUSE UNINVITED FOR ANY REASON_ IF YOU DO- DO NOT ACT SURPRISED IF SHE IS UPSET WITH YOU___ YOU BROKE NUMBER ONE CARDINAL RULE FROM WHEN YOU WERE A KID!!!!!!