Men and women as friends- part 3,0012,000

Okay- this seems to be an issue
I have had men friends my entire life- I enjoy their company more than most women. Men tend to talk about events, politics, theories- not people and feelings to ad naseum.
Not that I don't enjoy a good chat about shoes and perfume sometimes.
I was so shocked when I was 13 and my male friends started getting weird on me- and asking me out! What?!
Since then, I have to admit many of my male friends have told me they actually wanted more than friends- but are happy with being a friend than not having me in their lives at all....
Also, my best friend likes to joke he is so happy that I did not find 'that special spark' with him.
He would of missed out on the true love of his life- a terrific girl who adores him. In addition he says "You would of been my second ex-wife."
You see I am not good wife or girlfriend material- I am kinda like the male bad boy. The one that is out fishing for a trophy- and ends up sport fishing instead - finding the throw back ones.
In reference to my behaviour- it should be noted that I became a 'housewife' at just 17---and have spent years in that role- granted with 3 different men. At this point in my life- should 'my trophy love' come around I want to be free to 'fall crazy in love with him.' My list of requirements for this are simply far too long for any true mortal male to fulfill. So single I am---and free to come and go and do as I please!
My male friends are also kind enough to indulge me in my delusion that I don't need a man!
They also keep their mouths shut about it!
Yes, they help me- fix my house, let my haul junk -actually they haul junk for me in their trucks, lend a hand- and strenght-with gardening ideas and a host of other things.
My best friend and I share a love of scotch and cooking and spend most of our time talking about this- while he makes me dinner at his house- with his lovely 'wife' there!
I have another friend that has picked up the slack and saved my sorry ass and fixed up my house after I got royally screwed by a contractor that I thought was my friend. He also takes me out to the most glorious places-- spoils me rotten and understands that I am not available for a relationship of anything greater than friends.
Yes, I am lucky- and I adore all of them- and they do help me out-- like taking care of a poor little sister that needs help- but is too damn stubborn to admit it.
To you guys thanks- and you think I didn't know!

Spoiled rotten!

I have just had my 47th birthday! Not that -that alone is amazing- but I have been saying I was 47 for so long- I thought I turned 48! Nope- me now 47!
In addition spoiled little girl- lovely dinners- nice wine with the momalitta.... full massage from the child--- and suprise -- the BESTEST chocolate ever and some perfume------now finally I have something to spray on me!
Thanks my good friend for the lovely gift!
and I am not 48- just only 47!

Man up. Suck it up. Be a man.

Since the globe and mail removed all the fun of chatting about this- I am posting it here!


POP ROCKS: THE POLITICS OF GENDER

Masculinity can't still be about steak and moose-skinning, guys

LYNN CROSBIE

Man up. Suck it up. Be a man.

But how? What is a real man? I read a lot of magazines (and looked at a lot of men for research, men in form-fitting uniforms and well-packed jeans) to find out.

According to The Godfather's patriarch, Vito Corleone, it is not someone like Johnny Fontane, who cries like a little girl when he is afraid (and gets slapped by Corleone for doing so). According to the kind of woman who enjoys chiselling away her mate's self-esteem and dignity, he is not a coward afraid to demand a raise forcefully or to punch a stranger for looking at his woman.


Masculinity can't still be about steak and moose-skinning, guys

And according to the new issue of Esquire, which promises to show readers "How To Be A Man," he is able to skin a moose, fell a tree, curse well, stop a running toilet and, appallingly, kill an injured animal. He is, further, someone "who makes things - a rock wall, a table, tuition money. Or he rebuilds - engines, watches, fortunes."

While Esquire's criteria seem pathetically dated and patently inauthentic - yeah, I am fairly old, but not old enough to fantasize about a dreamboat who fixes toilets well - the subject is not insignificant, as there appears to be a masculinity movement afoot. Not a Robert Bly-style "take back the cave" movement, but an informal quest to determine what exactly masculinity is today, evident in everything from bromance films, to post-Fratire books like Dick Masterson's Men Are Better Than Women, to the renaissance of guitar fuzz and metal bands like Mastodon.

I looked through the magazine section at Chapters recently, where the youngest men were reading about ultra-violent video games, the twentysomethings were looking shyly at Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts (on the cover of the new Maxim), and the cement-heads scoping the astonishing variety of fitness mags. I grabbed Muscle & Fitness and read the feature Eat Like A Man.

Between gasping audibly at men so fit that their veins look like tanned King Cobras, I took note that salt, booze and bloody steak are sentimentally favoured by these apes who also express their manliness by shredding their abs during "thermonuclear training sessions" and getting jacked on supplements to make them "evil sons of bitches."

As extreme as these Ultimate Fighting Champion wannabes seem, a mainstream trend toward explosive masculinity raises disquieting questions about what "anti-violence educator" Jackson Katz (author of The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help) refers to as "the crisis in masculinity," a crisis he believes stems from "being the 'real guy' " lionized by so much pop culture.

Katz, as Bitch magazine's Shira Tarrant notes in an article, is fighting against these stark facts: "More than 90 per cent of serious domestic violence is perpetrated by men and ... men are involved in more than 95 per cent of all incidents of road rage." And Tarrant doesn't even cover 'roid rage! In other words, if we lionize men for putting possums out of their misery with the heels of their boots while saying, "I fixed that toilet good, huh, babe!" we may be cultivating a generation of pinheads who equate cruelty and ignorance with genuine masculinity.

Still, this sort of manly man is beginning to feel stale: While some women still like mean men (in the words of the inked and pierced rapper Rolling Stone calls "post-human," Lil Wayne, "Shawty wanna thug,"), every girl in the world is in love with the Twilight character Edward Cullen, a fictional vampire boy who is cultivated, mannerly, avoids stimulants like cola and is, like the Jonas Brothers, a virgin! Shawty wanna nice guy - a nice, alternative guy.

In the 1970s, the days of my youth, we liked men who wore makeup and had long hair and were tough and pretty. In the new Spin, there is a picture from that era that epitomizes this desire: It is Alice Cooper, the scary singer of I Love the Dead, skinny and shirtless, with long black hair and heavy eye makeup, wearing an elaborate diamond necklace.

Now, I feel that ambiguously beautiful boys are creeping back. There is the radiant androgynous actor Zac Efron (High School Musical), whom Interview magazine refers to as "the Future"; there is our own King Khan, of the 1960s-style garage-rock band King Khan and the Shrines, who calls himself a combination of Cleopatra and Rick James; and there is the Judd Apatow (Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall) crew, who spend each film exploring the limits of heterosexual male love affairs.

What is a real man?

He is an indeterminate age. He is a zombie-killing, biracial, body-modified bad-ass filled with mad love, brilliant faith and wild hope. And he is here to recruit you.

Last week's question

I wish to thank the many readers who responded to my question in last week's column (If Bruce Springsteen is, as accused, a serial cheater, is he still the Boss?), insisting that the Boss was still the Boss whether he cheated or not. (Another argued, quite eloquently, that he was a fake-populist hypocrite.) The consensus: "It ain't no sin to be glad the Boss is alive."

Next Week

Ain't I A Woman? Tell me what a real woman is.

Men and women just as friends

Can a man and a woman be just friends?

By Sarah Fielding - Click by Lavalife





Sometimes friendship between members of the opposite sex is as innocent -- and powerful -- as the bond between siblings. (Comstock)


In the classic romance, When Harry Met Sally..., Billy Crystal tells Meg Ryan men and women can never be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

But research and personal experience have shown that having close friends of the opposite sex can be an enriching and positive experience that doesn't have to lead to the bedroom.

Men benefit from...

Insider information about 'what women want'
Dating and relationships advice from an independent, 'sisterly' source
Emotional support and understanding from a sympathetic female, when needed
The opportunity to meet -- and date -- her single friends
The opportunity to discuss shared 'feminine' hobbies or interests
Women benefit from...

Getting the scoop on what 'makes a man tick'
A sense of security and/or protection having a male friend affords
A less emotionally demanding friendship than one with another woman
The opportunity to meet -- and date -- his single friends
The opportunity to discuss shared 'masculine' hobbies or interests
That's all good in theory but it's not always easy to cope when your partner's best friend shops in the same underwear department as you. It's sometimes hard not to imagine that they secretly fancy your partner or to obsess about the amount of time they spend together.

And while becoming more common, best friends of the opposite sex still raise an eyebrow, and can be the cause of lots of tension and friction in relationships.


Here are some common cross-sex friendship scenarios.

Brotherly-Sisterly Love

Sometimes friendship between members of the opposite sex is as innocent -- and powerful -- as the bond between siblings.

"We've never been there, and we never will," says Phil, 30, referring to the 'sex thing.' "We're mates through and through -- she's like my little sister. It probably even upsets her a little bit that I don't think of her that way, she can be quite vain. But I love her."

When to worry: If your partner's friend is an ever-present element in your life. Close friendships are great but couples need time and space to develop and nurture their primary relationship.

The Emotional Substitute

A good friend is hard to find but are they really just friends or are they in denial about the true nature of their relationship?

"My friendship with Jeff was there before any boyfriends came along," says Danielle, 37, who met her male best buddy in high school, "and it's been there long after romances have fizzled out. We have something quite special that in a way is more committed and long-lasting than other relationships have been, for either of us."

When to worry: Sometimes a close friendship provides a person with an emotional connection that's lacking in their primary romantic relationship. If you feel this may be the case with your partner, it's worth raising the issue.

The Unrequited Lover

It's tough having an ex on the scene, especially one that reinvents him or herself as your partner's best friend. But is it friendship they're after or a second bite of the cherry?

"If I'd known that Damien had actually shagged my girlfriend, I wouldn't have been so keen to have him hanging around," says Bill, 27. "She said it was a once-off and that it didn't mean anything, but I'm not so sure he sees it like that. It does make me feel uncomfortable having him in the picture," he says.

When to worry: If the ex still harbors feelings for your partner -- or worse, your partner is still carrying a torch -- you could have a tricky situation on your hands. Discuss your feelings with your partner and make an effort to spend more time with him or her... alone.

The Creepy Crawly

Sometimes, your partner's self-esteem and confidence is bound up in their friendship with a person of the opposite sex.

"My girlfriend Lee has a good male friend -- I call him 'The Guru.' He's into all sorts of New Age stuff, and she's forever chatting to him about star signs and crystals and other rubbish," says Ben, 25. "He's always offering to massage her shoulders. I think he's a sleaze, but she doesn't see it."

When to worry: If your partner and their best buddy have a level of intimacy or affection that makes you uncomfortable, it's best to speak your mind or jealousy will kill any hopes your romantic relationship has.

If your partner's opposite-sex friendship is really bothering you, ask yourself why? Is it unfounded insecurity or even jealousy... or is there something more to it?




This story was posted on Fri, February 22, 2008

Friends- men and women!

The on-going debate!
I think men and women can be friends- I have some great male friends- my best friend is a guy...... but they can only be friends when they know there are no 'romantic' interests- and they have no romantic interests.
Secretly, I crave a new best gay friend- I don't presently have any--- too bad for me but I was in the first wave of the AIDS crisis and my gay friends all passed away before we even fully understood what was happening to them.
Find attached a new article on how to spot a male/female friendship and the warning signs that this 'friendship' may not be what it is presented as.....
and I am sure the debate will continue--- BUT-- I have male friends- and I am gonna keep them!

50 Birthday party

I had the greatest weekend I have had in a long time. One of the highlights was my brother's 50th Birthday party.

In attendance a colorful collection of boys that had 'mis-spent youths', 'boys' now all around 50!



Amazing! I could not believe looking at my brother that this was the boy that took me on the back of the little lawn tractor to the back 40 to catch frogs. Which we brought back to my grandparents farm house, built 'houses' for them and could not figure out how they escaped in the night. The same little boy that played in the sandbox with me building farms and roads, painted my playhouse every summer, hid under my bed to scare me when I went to bed, and of course threw my teddy on the roof!



Most of the friends there he/I had known since he was 16 when we moved to this city. The sexy bad boy that had long blond ringlets is now bald- still sexy as hell in a Bruce Willis way..... most are a tad heavier, most have hair, and most have not really changed that much!



It was the comment from one on his 'goatee' that he could not let it get too long or the grey overpowered it that set off the conversation!



"Yeah, I know. This grey hair"

"Ah, just shave your head!

"Nope, I use the dye for men"



I almost fell over! Here are men I have known for years talking about dying their hair. Who knew!



One commented most about his beard... I did not have the guts to tell him I knew what he was talking about..... I have one grey hair that grows out of the side of my chin and I swear it grows overnight, in one night- to about an inch and a half and is the thickness of a small tree!



Nope, I kept the fact that I understood his beard situation to myself.



So guys -yup some of us girls have the grey beard hairs too!



Happy Birthday big brother- I am still in training for 50 and hopefully by then will have my grey chin hair under control!

50 things I should of been told about women 30 years ago.

Find following a lovely message I recieved from a very good- long standing male friend (sounds better then 'old friend').
thanks secret friend!


1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count.
2. Real men drive stick shift.
3. I will leave if you lie.
4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).
5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.
6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.
7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you.
9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.
10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.
11. I expect you to call me.
12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.
13. I'm scared of losing my independence.
14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be.
15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.
16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.)
17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a. ...having a fat day. b. ...not feeling "connected" to you. c. ...blackmailing you to get something I want.
18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.
19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it.
20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.
21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.
22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.
23. You should never tell me what to do.
24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.
25. My breasts love much licking and sucking.
26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.
27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.
28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.
29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.
30. I want to be Madonna.
31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.
32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.
33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.
34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.
35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving.
36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this.
37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking....
38. Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times.
39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.
40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.
41. I love it when you're sweaty.
42. It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.
43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.
44. I like porn.
45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.
46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.
47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...
48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.
49. I remember everything about our relationship.
50. You should know all this and more with-out my telling you.why didnt anyone tell me this before?