Saturday, February 28, 2009

Courtly behvaiour

This outrage over the 90 day rule being spewed from the author of 'Act like a lady and think like a Man', seems to be getting more fuss from the ladies then the men.
That may be 'cause most men know they can easily get the milk after the max of 3 dates...... and women cry " I am equal- I can have sex too.' Both opinions true.
However, I know many women, who still at this age, still sit by the phone wondering if he will call after she gives up the booty call early.
While this will outrage 'feminists' I agree- casual sex does not come free for most women- they do feel used if no return affection is offered by the man. The man is simply happy.
I believe in 'feminism' but to me the word is the power of being feminine- I don't think there is any weakness in thinking and acting like a woman.
I still want and expect the dates booked three days in advance, a call the day to confirm, a nice place for dinner, some conversation, a reason to be interested in this man.
You take me for a cheap coffee and think I am going to put out --- nope!
Then, these men have the audacity to call me a gold-digger.... Well lets make another name up
"Pussy-digger'--- those men who expect a piece of 'pie' to go with their coffee.
Funny, it is the same men who lament about finding a nice decent woman..... but will not make the effort when they find one.
Gentlemen- flowers are not bad, good manners are nice-- also please do not spend the entire evening talking about your divorce, your money and your company!
Also, recently, I have a post in lava life and note I am not interested in camping, fishing, hunting or gold- I like the arts...... So, why then would a man that seemed interested in me continue to ask me out (and I thought he had potential so I went a few times) but then he asked me to hockey games, car shows----- and the entire time was wearing either a touque perched on top of his head like some sort of cone- or an old dirty baseball cap with some sort of car part supplier on it!
He seemed like a nice enough guy- but sorry he showed no interest in what my wants and likes were! Women have for years put aside their want and desires to raise kids and husbands and now in our -middle age are looking for a companion- someone to share things with- a friend.
When you are young great sex can get you through life (for awhile) until you reach middle- age and realize you have nothing in common. So, at this age I think most folks should look for someone that shares common interests, goals, perhaps have some of the same life experiences-- and not just look for the hot 50 year old to drag into bed.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

maybe true, but who is setting the standards?NOR does any of this come FREE for men or women. WE all pay a price one way or another, expecially when there is a lack of respect and taking for granted. Are YOU sure your profile is correct, and most "dating" services, lava, quest, adultfiner, ect. are basicly "services" paid for by men mostly, cause sex sells and this is what is mostly out there in the ads, sex!I noticed in another blog of YOURS [and this one] that YOU continually bash men for going for the pie, are rude, and crude, but at the sametime have some good male freinds.But mostly the bashing of men going after the young women for sex then relationship, and now going after 40+ [?] for the samething, is this how you perceive all of us? What about your good male friends, are they still there or were they just look for something else? Or could they have been real? Or toast? It doesn't matter, just something to give some thought too! Is it so bad as to see if a friendship can or cannot be more or develope to more? Oh what, that would mean more than 1 date [or more like maybe 90 days]to start with, still,both men and women have been touched here, mostly men, for doing what is a large part of being human, seeking companionship, in one form or another. Not to say that any one form is right or wrong for everyone, just that it is. Again from your other blog, kudos for coming out and seeing the world, crule place at times and we all can us a little help. But maybe this/was why so many of these [blogs] have been all over the place, do like to here about your friends experiances ect., and yours, hope to read more as they are entertaining,maybe YOU won't have such a jaded view of all men/most men now, but ...

Chanel said...

Thank you for your comment. It is unfortuneate if you think I am bashing men- that is not my intention. I love men..... simply I am trying to highlight some of the behaviour I have seen and explain to men (trying to help them see how their behavior is interpreted by us women- to actually help them).

Anonymous said...

What is the appropriate time-line for a man to try and kiss a girl, lady in your view? I've had guys try on the first date, and everthing from a peck on the cheek to more like a tongue to tonsils [ug]! but I once had one kiss my hand [o]charmed.Your opinion as per The Book and you?

Chanel said...

Hmm. okay now this is the kind of stuff I like!
I agree- or digress for a minute-- I once had a guy- that is 'of importance' in the city I live in, was flattered when he asked me out... then walking me to my door he tried to stick his tongue in my mouth! This was not a youngin' either. YUK-- honestly I felt so 'cheap'.... Like was he thinking 'cause he had money he could do that? Or that I would invite him in? Either way- I pulled away and never heard from him again- thank goodness!
Okay, back on the subject---
When is it okay for a first kiss?
I think after the first real date. (not the coffee one you may get from an on-line dating site- that is an introduction- not a date!
After the first date- I think am man- if he wishes has every polite reason to kiss a girls cheek..... if she wants more she will let the man know.
Kiss on the hand- how sweet- and yes I have had the honour of that and vey much was charmed-- I even offered the other hand!
Shot- why not get two sweet kisses!
Sticking tongue down throat-- nope- not - never- as an approach to a first kiss!
Thanks for the question

rockindel1 said...

wow , a real conversation going here.
From a male who has known you for almost 20 years(ack)and has seen you through: single parenting, a little dating, and lots of singledom, we dated a little, and as I have said before Chanel, you are one of the most beautiful women I know, that said when we dated (a little)
there was never any room for doubt where we stood with each other, and where the lines were.
It always isn't that clear when dating that was one of the things I liked and is probably why we are still friends after all these years. We never treated each other like a "booty call" there was always too much respect for each other. and as for "our" first kiss ,Yes I still remember it.

Anonymous said...

Sitting here with my female co-worker reading this and commenting, she pointed-out Your comment about him having "potential", we both felt You were happy as a single, non-relationship, non-dating woman, and was wondering, potential for what?? Duh. And maybe the guy was fallowing your profile, but like maybe he was trying to show some of his interests also, and didn't he have a prolife? Was that not read? But we all know EVERYONE lies on those , don't we? Well it's been fun, I/we may blog again, I'm off hunting and fishing and gone for awhile.

Chanel said...

Well, firstly I am flattered you and a female co-worker were going over the blog! Excellent- keep it up and send it around- we need discussion and different ( albeit phrased with respect) points of view.
Well, yes, I do date on occasion and would like to go out for nice events and increase the male friends I have.
2) Yes, should I meet the 'perfect man' (for me) I would seriously consider having an 'intimate relationship'.
3) BUT- I do not think I would ever live with or marry a man again.
4) So hence happy single- but maybe- just maybe a nice boyfriend may increase my life---- Funny- you obviously neither hunt or fish or you would know this is not hunting season and if you fish here in Canada you would know that it is not safe anymore to ice-fish, not season for fishing yet- unless of course you are a treaty indian.
SO! Smarty pants! now what?

Chanel said...

OH and yes- this was an entry on courtly behaviour!
So, if a man wants to intice a woman he should follow what she like to do--- at least at the beginning.
Similiar to hook, bait and reel in!
Load the traps!
You understand that logic - you are a 'fisherman /hunter after all!

Anonymous said...

Me thinks he was referring to a different type of Hunting [cougars] and fishing, or shooting "Fish in a barrel" [witch is a dating site also]
"Good fisherman" [fisher women] you be, practice catch and release?

Chanel said...

ANON- I think the dating site you refer to is POP- Plenty of fish-- maybe you might want to check that out.
As for good fisher-people- I guess there are sport types- and the ones that fish for food..... and I guess sometimes if you are fishing for food and the fish is not up to your standards you release- and I guess if you are a sport fisherperson- and you really like the 'trophy catch' you may decide to keep it!
So, I suppose it depends on the catch more than the fishteperson..... and how hungry they are.