Lately, like I am sure many of you, I am feeling like a loser.
When I was young I had a great job, made piles of money and thought the future would hold greater 'paydays' and a challenging and interesting career.
I would wear better suits, travel more places, live in a nicer house and have more money in the bank. People would see my 'success' and say "Wow, did she ever do good for herself".
Yes, people may even be jealous.
Then life happened.... I had the opportunity to stay home for a few years when my son was eight (I had been a single working mom up till then- granted with a live in nanny and all) It would mean cutting back- but the chance to be home with my son for the first time, and a chance to try the mommy 'wife' deal.
I took it-- at a huge price! The guy was not so nice.
My son loved having me at home- then I took a little job that I could work at home my own hours selling drapery.
"Why are you doing that?You are much too smart to be decorating peoples homes." A friend exclaimed in horror.
"I need a break and it is fun"
Well that lasted far too long, the child became a troubled teenager even with my constant attention (he was ADHD- one of the reasons I did want to stay home was to guide him the best I could)
Got rid of the husband
Then, my son had a horrible accident where I 'choose' to take care of him. He had to learn how to talk, walk, eat, use the washroom all over again... it was another few rough years.
Meanwhile the little business I had started, that was just getting off the ground- grounded to a halt because I was not working my business- I was taking care of my son.
I was not there the first time. I did not hear his first words, watch his first steps... his nanny did.
This time- I fed him- once he was off the feeding tube, I was there when he said his first words, I was there this time.
So, now- after this crazy journey of life. I do not have money in the bank, my once paid for house has a line of credit, I have not shopped for any clothes for years (never mind fancy stuff) and am working a very low paying job at the city. Guess I should be happy to have any job now.
BUT- when I run across the people that seem to of navigated this world with success I feel like a loser!
My son and family do not think I am - I ended being successful at the one thing that I really never dreampt (is that a word?) about- being a terrific mom.
Does that make me a loser- being a good mother- but broke?
Does not being a financial success govern how other people see you? ( I think so)
What is next?
I want another chance at life- I want energy and optimism to try to reach some of my goals but my old tired body somehow does not want to support me.....
What do you think?
What is a loser/winner in life?
Can and does anybody have it -or get it all?
(If they do can we hunt them down and shot them?- This is a joke!)
Domination and submission versus s and m
-
It came to my attention recently with a male friend who is interested in
masochism and submission- hint BIG DIFFERENCE
from wikopedia- I could not link- pe...
14 years ago
2 comments:
These are all our dreams, for our future. Part of our "In box".
The "why are you doing that" statement, came from someone who didn't understand the importance of self worth and ones sanity I can only guess.
Yes you can be happy,"you have a very low paying job at the city", cause for now it is an end to a means, and better things can and will come of this.
Besides, you should remember that the alternative to being the great mom that you are, is not to be her. Hence, that would make you the BIGGEST loser in more ways than one I believe.
Money, things,ect., can and will come in time. A second chance with your son, very lucky to get and for you to grasp and hold onto that opportunity very foresighted of you.
I can not see how anyone would not respect you highly for that "sacrifice" made. Hence if you had not, in my humble opinion, you would be "a loser" in family, self worth for your priorities, due to putting money, carrier, and things ahead of your son. So what is he worth then?
That is how you are seen, dear Lady. A winner with family, a touch of class, a respect for what IS important foremost [your son] and the great efforts you have put in struggling through it all.
Yes there are other things people think about you too, but that is for another time. This is to tell you that you are NOT a loser, and no, not everyone judges by "the financial success" one may or may not have. There are people who that doesn't matter to, they should, and the ones that it does matter to, shouldn't.
Just a thought.
AH I blush! Thanks that was well written and said.... and I never did think about the alternative.
Yes, NOT taking care of my son would of been unforgiveable--- and something that never even entered my mind!
Thanks so much you made my day- maybe my month!
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